Entries for August, 2005

August 2nd, 2005

Health Problems

Ever dearest Diary...

Man! Am I ever so sick again! Arrrggghh! I'm goin' insane! I keep on thinking what did I do to deserve such punishment or fate! Ah!

Whoa, okay. Well, anyway. Right now I'm at home, resting, and been absent for two days already. Good thing we just had an exposure trip today so I won't miss too much lessons. Wait! Exposure! Damn it! It's the last exposure trip I'm ever going since it's my last year in HS and I don't get the chance to join in the fun! Aaahhh! Oh well, like heck whatever!

By the way, Thea, happy birthday! You know, it's her 17th bday today. Can you believe it? I didn't realize that she was way ahead of us. Really.

Hmmm. I'm sick with a few coughs with phlegms [eeww!]. I know. Really gross! Uh! But you know what? I take advatage of this condition of mine. When I get sick, I really get sick! Like I can't surely taste foods 'cause of my sour tongue, which leads me to not like eating! Yeah! It's as good as saying that this is the best time for me to get thin. Well, hopefully I'll succeed. Hehe.

My friends missed me alot already! Haha! They texted me once and for all the morning they didn't see me! Aww shucks! It's now that I appreciate really the treasure of having real friends. I realized that not everyone will notice your absence. It's enough that one realized that you were absent! Isn't that a good sign? Haha!

Uhm, I have a new layout for my blog. Yes. Yipee! It's black and white and it's a romantic layout from my fave anime manga. Well, if you want to know more, there's a part just for the layout--the history and background of the layout. Yeah, you can find it there just click through! Hah!

Hmm, then last Saturday, before I was totally sick, I still had the energy to go to UP with a few old friends. Just for a little tour so we won't get lost come test time. Boodie was there too! I was to astonished to see him! Hah! Astonished pala eh! Uh, durr whatever! It's only now that I remembered that he was supposed to visit us yesterday 'cause he's leaving today! Awww. Sorry Boodie, huling pagkikita na pala natin yon. Take care of yourself and have safe trip, Laurezo family!

PS: Anna, my couz, was absent yesterday too. Well, she pulled again that my-head-sucks-so-I-don't-feel-studying thing again. I just can't imagine what she'd do here at home whenever she feels sick of studying. Computer games? TV? B-O-R-I-N-G! As in super! What a waste of time! I'd rather spend my precious time studying with friends rather than cozying alone at home. I mean, I see studying in a better perspective rather in its most pessimistic view. Remember: no pain, no gain! Haha!

Tata!

~Yahn
listen Light Rock station
read Chicken Soup for the Soul [finally through!]
watch Knowledge Channel

yahn @ 02:40 PM | Book Of The Yahn [2 comment/s]

August 3rd, 2005

Am I Insensitive Now?

Hey there! I have here some story to tell so listen up!

Well, remember my past crush? Uhm, basta yung crush ko just before the last school year ended. Eh, I'm not that happy but if I'm as enthusiastic to see him just like before, then this may have been the happiest day of my life. Yeah, durr! Hehe.

Actually we're clubmates. Yeah, can't believe he decided to join such clubs. Ah, well, he pinched my cheeks unusually and made papansin to me "just like a friend". Ho hum. He also took my friendship bracelet for my bhez and wore it and played it with like whatever! Well, whatever that was! Like, if this happened last year, I actually told this to my friends already! But no! Things are different now more than ever! I mean, it's like I'm already keeping my principle of how I want people to take me--I want them to see me as strong-willed, confident, determined girl. I actually didn't feel the need to tell this to my friends. I don't know why. Do I need to know why? Hmmm.

Minsan nga naisip ko baka manhid na 'ko. But no! That's not so. Well, it's just that I let my judgement or mind dominate more than my emotions and instincts. Like, I'm controlling my feelings using my head! Damn! And surely, in no time, baka nga mamanhid ako in such a bad habit! Ah! What am I to do?

I was thinking if he's still my crush. Well, maybe. I am sure of myself and proudly admit that I still find him cute. Well, I find my other crushes still cute too. Hmm. Conclusion: I have a crush with a guy I find cute or handsome or for short, appealing to me. Period.

But the real question is, do I love him?

Well, well, well. I don't really know what love is. Durr! I've never been in love! So, I don't have any idea if it's true love or what. But then again, love isn't thought over, it is felt! Damn! What do I feel about him? Nothing. Wait! Do I really feel nothing or do I just think I feel nothing. Nah, surely I can compare that I don't feel much intense now as before. Or has my mind already dominated my feelings? Uh-oh. No way!

In conclusion, all I am positive now that I can admit to myself is that I find him cute--which leads me to the fact that he's my crush! Duh! Well, comparing him with my other crushes, the greatest weight is surely on him. Why? Because I know him better. I don't know him completely but he is an "acquiantance" to me unlike the others. It's as good as saying that he's my real crush! Haha! And it just might be that I fall for him! Weeeeh! Whatever!

Hey! I just realized that I'm a late bloomer! Haha! Kasi ngayon lang talaga ako nagkaron ng crush na hindi lang hanggang picture--harap-harapan pa! Oh well. Only it's with a kid so I sometimes find this an immature infatuation. Yeah right. Or am I just immature? Durr! I might as well admit that I'm immature huh?

Au contraire, I just remembered that I really find this young man immature too. Durr! Again, again, again! I mean, I just find him uninteresting, just like what I told you before. Well, what do we know? This time, I'm letting my wings spread wide and emotions rule the moment. I wanna admit:

I like him no matter what!

Haha! Happy day! Whatever!
mood ah!
listen Home Radio
watch Anghel na Walang Langit [fave as of the moment]

yahn @ 07:12 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]

August 7th, 2005

Finally Over...

Dear Diary...

OMG! Today's my UPCAT! Haha! Was it easy? Well, I can't tell for now. But surely, it's just like the last test I had, the aptitude test we just conducted last, last week. How was the test anyway? Hehe. It was already difficult for me. And to take note of the gentle reminders of outside parties that it must be the easiest of all admission exams! Ganon? Eh pano pa kaya yung ibang school? As in super hirap na! Haha!

Yesterday, by the way, we went to San Pedro 'cause it's our family friend's birthday. As usual, drinking, smoking, gambling and singing to the max! Then as we were on our way home, we noticed something that made us laugh to death! XD Just in the exit of the express way, when we were about to enter the vicinity of Carmona, along a T-road, we noticed the car in front of us with a plate number of XGM 922 [take note! Baka ikaw na pala ito! ] to be swaying left and right like something mysterious is happening in! Durr! It stopped wiggling and I thought it was over. But I was wrong! It started wiggling again, and it happened not just twice but occasionally while the car was stopped! Haha! It's a big car--like a Revo--colored silver. Beware! Kaya ko lang naman naisulat dito kasi misteryoso ginagawa nila sa loob eh! Baka mamaya niyan kung anong kababalaghan na ginawa nila--tamang tama tinted pa naman yung glasses ng car haha!

Anyways, back to the UPCAT. Right after the test, my bhez texted me--I mean I read my bhez's text to me. She asked me kung natorta ba utak ko. In my dizziness to the test, all I was able to reply was a sweet "good luck"! Haha! But really, I don't really find it that hard. It's just that it's too long for me. If there were long breaks in between every subtests, it might have not been that hard for me to grasp. Hay.

I'm already looking forward for the next one. My family here is encouraging me to apply for scholarship in my next application. Sayang nga naman kasi. Pwede rin naman akong pumasa di ba? That scholarship idea was only brought up 'cause I told them that I'm so damn interested to apply to ADMU--which is a very expensive when it comes to both tuition and lifestyle I might suggest! Well, whatever! All I know is that I'm taking their first tip: apply to all schools I want to. In the end, they'll be paying for whatever I would like to pursue. Haha! Thank goodness!

Thank God for today! Thank you so much 'cause you never left me! Thank you for the experience and thanks 'cause everything was where they're meant to be! Thanks, God! Ü

Hay, gonna go now. Gonna rest. I still have yet another excuriating Accounting exam tomorrow. Wish me luck!

~Yahn
mood relieved
listen Home Radio
read Collier's 2nd volume of Jr. Classics
watch Maldita [Ara Mina]

yahn @ 07:55 PM | Book Of The Yahn [2 comment/s]

August 13th, 2005

The Sun Is Finally Out Again

The following was supposed to be posted a few days ago. But then, our telephone was out [good thing it's finally fixed now!] which is up until I've first heard the dialtone just a while ago to my amazement, I still don't know why our line has been cut lately when the storm came around. Duh!

*******
I can't believe. I just simply can't believe it. Durr! Ahh! X0

Oh em gee! What am I seeing?! I can't believe it. I just can't. And I can't even tell why I'm feeling this way. I don't know. Remembering the quote: ang selos ay ginagawa sa tabi ng pagmamahal. Is it true? Why am I jealous in the first place? I can't even admit personally that I even like him or even so that I LOVE him! But why is this strong, flaming sensation continually burns inside me every time I remember the thought of them side-by-side--JUST LIKE FRIENDS? I'm so guilty. My heart is bleeding and burning at the same time. But in fact, I'm just controlling my heart from being torn into pieces just for the sake of our friendship. What's more, this burning sensation ticks more in my friend more than in HIM! Damn! I'm so guilty!

No! I don't wanna go ruin any relationship! I don't wanna hate her 'cause she's my friend. Knowing all along her trait. Knowing all along the truth that she once liked him. Damn it!

But even so, I have faith in her more than in that man. I know, I consider her my friend. So does she. Once in our life, we were tested if we'll leave one another. I passed that test. This time, the actual event now, I won't give up easily. I won't let him get in our way. No! I promised myself this: I won't let any guy ruin our friendship! Damn of course!

Am I making sense or what? Uh!

By the way, I'm late for the ACET. Arrrgghh! I have to rush now my application. X(

*******
Anyways, yesterday I was about to post something again quite relevant to this one. I was so overwhelmed with the continous flow of words from my neurons, out to my ideas, down to my words, ready to be typed in our keyboard. But everything else blurred once I hooked up the phone. To my dismay, our phone still has no dialtone. Like, whatever! I won't much mind now why or since when it f***ed up, just as long as I can now post my articles, facts, ideas and ramblings, and search answers for my curious questions.

Yesterday, we went to McDo. Well, let me tell you first what happened the other day. My crush blindfolded my eyes using his hands. XP In that total situation, I didn't expect such thing to happen. Of course! But moreover, I didn't feel much excitement as before. You see, I've dreamed of this before. Like, I"ve imagined our friendship grow deeper when I was so head-over-heels for him. But now, well, actually... it made my heart smile quite a bit. Still in denial the prideful me. Yeah. But anyway, as I was saying, Coleen was there when he did it to me. Then yesterday, she reminded me of what she saw. I really she understood that it was nothing ever to me since I never heard a comment from either both of us. But then she remembered. Fortunately, another irrelevant question in hand popped out of nowhere so her intriguing "Talaga bang wala na?" interview was out of place already.

Then, in the tricycle, I was thinking deeply of her cut-short question. Wala na nga kaya? I was thinking deeply, hiding my curious mysteriousness with my funny one-liners and left-brained opinions. Other than that, when I really wanted to think by myself, I just shut my mouth, looked down, or in any other direction not disturbing--even in their sweet innocent face. I know. They just might notice my reminiscing style. Hay.

In this deep thought, I've come to realize that yes, he's still my crush. But the question is: do I love him? I've told myself many times before, if you can also recall, that I will share my sad burden with that special someone, and that my feeling for him will grow in time. Well, what do we know? Dreams that I've imagined months ago that I never knew could be reality these last months of my highschool days can become reality. God is good, huh?

Wait! Hey now! Why do I keep on denying a truth surfacing deep in my heart? Maybe because of another fact that I forgot to mention you: I won't tell anyone but myself once I've realized I love that special someone already. Yeah. Yabang no? That's the pride of loving, darling. At least when you lose it, nobody will know--and you won't seem like any other girls who are in the loosing end? Hah! No, that ain't my motto. That just ain't me. I just don't wanna show it 'til I'm sure, that's just that. Mmmmm.

Oh well, another thing that occured during this seems-like-forever 30-minute ride home was college. I'm excited to get out of this town and see what's beyond this little province. I'm so curious. That's what my mind has been shouting all the way. By the way, I'm applying in Ateneo now, no more La Salle for me. And also, I just noticed that I'm the only one wishing luck to pass the ACET--all of them for DLSU. Why? I don't know exactly yet. I somehow manage to get at least four rational reasons based on observations on reactions I get when they see me holding up high my ADMU form: expensive, high standards, very critical in accepting freshmen, and far. Other than that, based from my trust-worthy sister, Ateneo is best choice for law, not undergraduate degrees. And so, I lonely walk on by the registrar to pick up my Ateneo forms--only mine will be the blue form of all forms famous in that small office. Hay.

Those are all for now. I still have to write my essay. Haha! Unlike La Salle applicants in our classroom, they don't panic themselves for writing essays that are also criteria for passing in their choice universities. Hah!

As today fades darkly without clouds covering up the following exciting morning, I still hope for answers to my questions. -.-
mood melancholy
listen Home Radio
read Halimuyak by A. S. Cruz

yahn @ 08:36 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]

August 21st, 2005

The Busy Week It Was

Hey there! I could have never ever imagined a more hectic schedule than this week! Whoa! There were too many things to accomplish--too much requirements to submit, too much deadlines to meet, too much lessons to review! But wait! No, there aren't too many things--just too little time to wrap them all! A sign of the never-ending procrastination. Duh!

Hey, I won't join the soccer team any longer. Good thing I realized just in time that I'm not really sure of joining such sport. Well, I'm just overwhelmed by the fact that I gained weight after dengue. Darn. But anyway, have I told you that I accept myself now? I mean, my body? Yep. I am beautiful any weight I am! Right? Yup!

Hey bhez! Don't fool your readers! Listen up, y'all! My bhez really does look like Yasmien Kurdi! Believe me! Haha!

Anyway, add up to the many school projects I passed last week my ADMU admission form. Unfortunately, I'm not qualified for their financial aid assistance just because of our annual gross income. Awww. That's too bad. I guess we're just not that poor, but not that rich as well. Hay. Life is just... just like that.

We passed our Religion journal yesterday. Can you believe it? We had classes yesterday. Yeah, we were in school on a very beautiful weekend. But anyway, I had fun doing that journal! As in! Not only I loved being creative, I also had fun reminiscing the good ol' times and also reflecting quietly and busily in my table. Hay.

And then we also passed our song analysis in English. Well, here's the darn analysis. Leave me feedbacks, will you? Thanks a lot!

(English Song Analysis)

We changed seats too you know. I was fine with my place--again, I'm surrounded by the "black sheeps". Hehe. Go figure.

Last week was quite an emotional week for me. Why? Because of a friend. Only then I knew I essence of friendship. You see, she has been distancing from us for about a week already. But I eventually let loose of my pride and apologized to her. Well, I felt good doing that but still, that curious emotion inside me--asking me whether she'll accept my apology or not--kept crawling through my head and heart. Yeah, maybe I understood what I am studying, but once I take my mind of the subject, I immediately think of her. Damn it. Finally, the first thing I read yesterday morning was her text confirming that she ain't mad at me or anyone else. She was just in deep confusion. At first I believed her but I didn't have faith that we'll get together again that day immediately. But I decided to have faith in her because we're friends. After the first test, we were already together again during recess--eating, smiling and talking together. Weeeh! I'm so happy! XD

Just then, my bhez and MM are not in good terms. Well, hopefully you can all fix that tomorrow. Good luck!

Yesterday we went shopping! Yup, it was so FUN! It was totally awesome! We had a lot of fun beautifying ourselves, styling ourselves and fooling around like crazies! We didn't get to take pictures, but the experience was the best more than that pic! Yay! We shopped for skirts [I mean I did!], hand bags, headbands, gifts for the upcoming friendship week, wrist watches, ballpens and supposedly books! But anyway, we ate the usual favorite Dairy Queen upside down Oreo Blizzard! Yummy! I'm so excited for yet another exhausting but rewarding shopping spree!

Well, I was watching Bruce Almighty yesterday. And I ask: imagine you could be God for a week, what would you do? Well, being God ain't a privilage. Uh-oh. And how about this one: do you really think heaven is what you've imagined it to be?

Gimme some answers please.

Praise the Lord for He is just in His ways!
Thank Him ceaselessly for without Him, we are nothing.

~Yahn
mood enthralled
read Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven

yahn @ 08:40 PM | Book Of The Yahn [3 comment/s]

August 28th, 2005

Activity Week

Hay. Another exhausting week has passed by. And now, another lasting month ended. Hmmm. I think I'm gonna change my layout some time later. I'm excited with my new layout! Yay!

Anyway, whatever happened? First, the results of our exams. Yeah, yeah. I passed the exams. Even that damn Physics which is really frustrating. At least I got to raise my grade just because of a correction. Haha! Other than that, uhm, everything was perfectly alright.

Then, last week was a busy week because of St. Augustine's feast day. It has been our school's tradition to celebrate the feast of our patron saint through novenas and some religious programs like the Interclass Song Interpretation. Also, the annual launching of Friendship Day--which is by the way our, my classmates, last friendship day celebration. Yeah, terribly sad, but it's all right! At least we got this chance. ^_^

The Song Interpretation. Reminds of another song interpretation in which I, including my batchmates, suppose that we shoul've won. The famous song Byahe Tayo. Hay. It was terrible having lost from those seniors. But hey! A lot of memories grew from those hardwork and practices. I loved it! It is quite frustrating having known that all the people believed in your talent and having poured out all your energies and effort for such a thing, yet you still lost. Yet, in our hearts and in the hearts of those who believe in us, we reign. Yes, we still won. We may not have gotten that big trophy as a sign of a champion, but at least we get to win the hearts of many--which is more rewarding I suppose. ^_^

This year, finally we managed to grab that trophy for the sake of our batch's pride. Yes! Finally, all the hardwork, practices, props, faith and everything else all went to our crowning glory--fourth year Wisdom. Whoa! Even though the trophy was quite small, just like last year, we still managed to capture the attention of everyone else as we had our "repeat performance" in yesterday's program.

Anyway, yesterday was our Friendship Day celebration. It was cool because of our repeat-performance. But other than that, there's just too many things that happened.

I confessed to my friend. Yeah. Sure it was tough and I seem too immature to do such a thing. But what can I do? I can't help being honest enough with my friend. I don't know what her reaction might be. But all I know is that I just thought only after I gave her my letter that I have been to stupid to tell her such a thing that I long ago buried under the earth. Damn it!

Oh well, me and Coleen had a date again yesterday. This time, we had so much time talking. We saw in McDo a couple of i20's and some 21 boys. Including her crush of course haha! Then, there also were street children asking foods from us, and we gave in even though it was really embarrasing just for the sake of helping out--in my part I might add. And then, we talked a lot. We talked about everything we can ever talk of. But mostly, our talks are about love. Hmmmm.

But the whole while, I was thinking of my friend's reaction to my confession. Well, I'm not really prepared of her initial reaction and treatment towards me after knowing such things. Neither I do know whether to act as if nothing happened or confront her again about it. Damn! I'm in such dilemma now!

Whatever happens! Just wish me luck! Ugh! I'll go now. I still have some review to do. And I still have to finish that Physics lab assignment of mine. Tata!
mood blah
listen Jaime Rivera's Purpose Driven Life
read Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Live
watch Spiderman 2, Princess Diaries 2, Big Fish :P

yahn @ 02:44 PM | Book Of The Yahn [8 comment/s]