Entries for December, 2007
December 22nd, 2007
Merry Christmas! :)
So, I have totally disregarded this blog, eh? I do not believe I owe another apology because you have to know it--once I step foot in Los Banos, I no longer have time for myself. Especially now, I am busier woman than ever. Especially now that I have decided to commit myself not to one man, but to the organizations that I have become affiliated with. I have always found myself to be a person who does not retreat back to what she has started. And I am determined to prove just that.
Lately, so many things have been boggling my mind. Well, so many, but from one person alone. Oh never mind that, I did not mean to bring that up.
Since the vacation started, I have been wondering to myself what I would be doing for the next ten days or so. I wonder how I will spend my vacation. Sigh. I guess I need to have that much-needed rest of mine, like what I did for the last breaks I had.
I am a very busy woman--that I am sure of. I most usually tell this to my friends, to people who know me, especially those who ask my presence for some event. Not that I am boasting, I am just admitting how jam-packed my schedule is. So much that I do not find time for rest. Even when I am alone, I feel I am obliged to simply get in touch with my inner senses instead of sleep. I am happy though because I am not wasting my time, and instead I get to do what I have to do, and I get to realize as well what more I should be doing.
I am just thankful that even in such hustle-bustle schedule, I still find time to hang out with my friends. And in doing so, I find release from my tensions. Yes, the day has been exhausting, but sharing my frustrations with them, and then hearing them feeling the same way is such a relief. And I thought I was alone in thinking that I am such a busy person.
My day usually ends by midnight, even after that, in the wee hours of the morning, say 2 AM. The same goes for my friend/dorm mate, who happens to be the person I am closest to in campus. We would meet some place and then walk together to the dormitory. But before we even get to that street leading up our dorm, we would not mind the time passing by and we would have a lot, as in so much, of sharing going on. And most of time, as I recall, we both just want to disappear in this world, and for once rest. I guess that's just how tired and exhausted you could consider us.
But then, we couldn't. After a long talk, we would be back in our dormitory, we'll hug each other and then say our good night's and goodbye's, encouraging one another for a more challenging tomorrow awaiting us.
We both are committed, determined, and strong-willed persons. And we can not just leave behind the things that will nag us in the long run--the work assigned to us alone. Yes, we do enjoy what we do, the reason why we took it voluntarily. But then, life gets tiring at times. We admit that we're only humans, and we sometimes run out of energy.
With the late-night tradition we do--the sharing of frustrations and wishes and all that--we both find release from our tensions. In that time, we don't feel pressure--we feel like we are the most care-free people in the world without a hint of responsibility to anybody, to anything. After this, "care-free" moment/feeling, we go to our respective beds, sleep, and upon waking up, we are rejuvenated. We are recharged--and then we are able to conquer the challenges that yesterday were not there.
As they say, life goes on. There is completely no point in stopping and rewinding--only pausing, and then continue on playing.
Lately too, I have been busy answering surveys and participating in forums/discussion boards. What's up? It's just that lately, I have so many random things in mind that I do not think I could cluster up in this blog of mine, and so I search for topics that best describes my thoughts or moods, and then there I post. I feel that if I do post here, my blog will be as random as much--just like this. XD
Anyway, I've been thinking about him again. Oh good Lord, why oh why? OK, so I may not as well talk about him, rather talk about my status instead. Something I read in another forum.
The topic there asked how was my love life this year. Mmm, I would initially say "dead," "olats," and all those negative stuffs. And it's all because I am still single here [c'mon!]. But then, I thought about it and I realized upon looking back not just this year, but for the past years, that indeed, my love life improved even just a bit.
Here's the thing: may nagparamdam [syempre di ko na pinaligaw, ayoko eh], and then this stalker came around, and then some issues, plus this crush of mine. None of these ever happened to me last year, or even when I was in high school. I am still NBSB, but then, bottom line is things have changed. There were changes.
I just wanna release my frustration, so here goes a statement of mine:
Isn't it sad when you have so much opportunity: you have all the chances to be the right couple at the right time at the right circumstances. Except that there are no feelings--there is nothing but opportunities that both of you do not know how to use.Is he the one, or is he not? Should I be waiting for someone tangible already that he is just around, or should I still wait for him to come to my life?
Dramas of life. Hope all these change next year.
mood sick
listen Timbaland's The Way I Are
yahn @ 11:42 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]
December 27th, 2007
Christmas '07
Yes! As usual, we celebrated Christmas day in our beloved province, Batangas! First up for my Christmas post are these nice gifts I got from the people I love.
a gold watch from my parents--just what I asked for
lovely accessories from an aunt coming from Cagayan
purple brush set coming from my ninang
a cute cellphone accessory from a sweet bloc mate of mine
a purple watch from my beloved sorority sis
GIRBAUD wallet from my dear sister's boyfriend [yeah, he's that loaded]
nice pair of purple slippers from my mom
a golden pouch bag to go with my watch, from an aunt back in Batangas
a cute purple bracelet from my sis
a tall glass from a friend back in Los Banos
a nice, sleeveless, low-neck top from my very sexy cousin
a long-awaited book from my discipler
a Tomato planner from again my sister
a hot jacket from mother-dear
Are they all cool or what?
INTERMISSION
It has happened all over again. Haha, funny. You might want to refer in the links below to better understand my moods right now. Mga kalokohan sa aking di nalalayong pagkabata--c'mon! [^_^]
Crushes...1. my crush ka b??
[past] oo... these weeks lng... malas ko nu... kung kelan nman patapos n ang taon... =(
[now] Oo, and it all started sa sem ender nung 1st sem. Parallelism? XD
2. cno cia??
[past] at pakelaman daw b kung cnu xa!!
[now] Kailangan ko pa bang i-share sayo kung alam na rin naman nya?
[past] sa... sa... konti lng nmn cgro mkkbsa nito nu... sa southville... =p
[now] Aba, kahit sino pang makabasa nito. XD Sa New Dorm. In fairness marami akong nasa-spot ng gwapo sa pagkalayong dorm na yon. XD
4. ktxt mo b cia??
[past] sna.. kng mai fon xa... sna sun xa!! =P
[now] One night only. Wala na moment namin, sad. 
[past] kng cla mtgal n nlng klala pro kelan lng ngng frnds.. ako d other way arnd... nkilala ko muna bago ko narealyz n totoo pla ang usapusapang gwapo xa!! hehe...
[now] Another parallelism. Bloc meeting pa lang I recognized him. And then lately, I just noticed something. Ewan ko ba. Kalokohan!
6. klan kau huling ngkitah??
[past] friday... pro d ko xa pnancn... suplada... pasimple pa eh!
[now] I don't remember the date of course, 'cause I never thought it would be the last. Some time this month. Oo, nagsuplada ulit ako. We looked in each other's eyes but never really called out names. Sawa na akong ako nauuna, sya naman hahaha. And then there was the half-smile. You decipher what that meant.
[past] nung thursday... saya ko nga eh! =P
[now] It was a Thursday too! Kung usap rin lang, yun eh yun moment namin sa IC's.
8.pnapancn kb niya??
[past] syempre! ako pa! =P
[now] Hindi ko alam! How would I know when we never really meet?
[past] hmmm... anu nga kya?? bzta sarap nia kausap... malamang!!
[now] Chubby sya gaya ko hahaha. Ay, yun wala pala sa iba. XD
10. bt mo cia crush??
[past] una cute xa... tpos sarap nia kausap... lastly.. uhm... challenging xa!!
[now] Kasi... he's hot. Period.
[past] makulet! bat mo ba ntanong?
[now] I do find him cute. No, I do find him hot.
12. crush ka b nia??
[past] oo.. joke! feeling eh!
[now] Oo naman, torpe lang hahaha.
[past] syempre di... pro mejo npphlata ko... di ko lng lam kng nhahalata nia! =P
[now] Oo, I assume he can take a hint.
14. mhl mo na b??
[past] ha? obsessed lng... mai sign ako pra mlaman kong mhal ko nga xa ehh...
[now] No way.
[past] oi! seryosong tanong... bat ang cute mo? ngek! pro s totoo lng... sna mramdaman mo... un lng... ^_^
[now] Ang kupad mo eh. Hahaha joke lang. Gaya ng sinagot ko sa isa pang survey: ligawan mo na kasi ako hahaha.
Boyfriends...
1.Dapat ba guwapo?
[past] ahh ehh... cute? ewan ko, la na kc akong standards since i met him eh... nyahaha!
[now] Gwapo naman sya.. even just for me.
2.Matalino?
[past] ahh ehh... cgro... pro not literally tulad ko na mataas rank in classroom, it ain't matter anyway db?
[now] UP students kami. Need say more?
[past] OMG! dati rati any age not younger than me! but then again... arrrrgggghhhh!! :mad:
[now] We're both 18, I should say. I guess now, the bigger deal for me is that he has at least a degree.
4.Preferred Height?
[past] nyeh? ang lam ko kc halos magkaheight kme eh, owkei lng un xempre skn xe im... ahhh... d ble nlng!;P
[now] Not too tall, not too short. Just right.
[past] nyahaha! la nko pkelam, srap niang kausap!
[now] Awww, yan ang di ko masasabi. Kahit sino naman marunong magpatawa right?
6.How about piercings?
[past] uhm? whatever, kht p cgro sa ilong nia, la nmn xang peircings eh...
[now] Maybe not. Tattoos pa siguro.
[past] ofkorz! duh!
[now] Oo naman. Lalo na ngayong I'm a busy woman.
8.Pink hair?
[past] nyeh? bhala na c batman! haha!
[now] Wag naman. I don't think I'm bound to like someone like that. C'mon!
[past] yep... pero bhala n xa!
[now] Yes. Sana sulatan nya ko.
10.Thin or Fat?
[past] he's way thin! mas payat p nga skn eh! nyahaha!
[now] Yey! We're both chubby for a change hahaha.
[past] ehhh.. tama lang.. tngnan nio nlng xa.. nyahaha!
[now] Morenong chinito.
12.Long Hair or Short Hair?
[past] clean cut eh, bait!
[now] Still clean cut.
[past] anong metal? yoko higit sa lahat ang plastik no!
[now] Metal rock!
14.Smells good?
[past] he smells dangg good!
[now] I'm the one who smells so freakin' good. He's plain steamin' hot.
[past] nope, never!
[now] Hahaha, sudden turn of events. XD
16.Drinker?
[past] hmmmm, maginuman kame? pag ako hindi, wag na wag din xa!
[now] Nah. He told me so already.
[past] uhm.. i dunno, di ko nga lam un eh!
[now] A complete gentleman, I should say.
18.Musically inclined?
[past] uhm? yup? nyahaha!
[now] Yes! So much!
[past] it's way sweet if he plays a single instrument, but then again, if he can't i can accept that.. haha! ^_^
[now] No, only the bass guitar. XD
20.Plays guitar?
[past] extra pogi points!
[now] Whatever
[past] eh?
[now] I'd like that.
22.Sings very good?
[past] sing nga ba o....????????
[now] YES!!!
[past] he ain't vain, he's way too shy duh!
[now] Oo! Hahahaha!
24.With Glasses?
[past] duh! i wanna look deep into his eyes!
[now] Now I know why I never really noticed him before: his glasses that made him look nerdy. Funny, but now I find him hot with them on.
[past] duh! di bagay sknya... bhla n xa! ;P
[now] Ay wag na. Ganda na ng ngipin nya eh.
26.Shy type?
[past] ehhhh... ganun xa eh! :mad:
[now] Parallelism: yes.
[past] whatever school.. lcc? ;P
[now] UP, ADMU. I don't know.
28.Active or Passive?
[past] active...
[now] Still go for the active.
[past] sporty! pro ndi nmn xa gnun eh! nyahahaha!
[now] I think he's a couch potato hahaha. Just kiddin'.
30.Singer or Dancer?
[past] uhm, galing dw nia sumyw eh, pro d q p nkta,, hehe ;P
[now] Singer. Period.
]
I had a dream.
It has been a while since I posted stories of dreams I had. Especially those of my crushes. But then again, I must admit that this year, I have only had two crushes. Would you believe that? When all else have their crushes that their ten little hand fingers could not even count. I am such an odd person.
Anyway, here goes.I was awakened by the alarm of my phone that sung Elbi Nights. Yes, for your information, I finally bought a 1 GB memory card for my phone, so now it is so full of mp3s, photos, games, and themes.
Going back, I was awakened as early as eight this morning. And upon waking up, I immediately remembered my dream. Two questions ran through my head: how come I dreamed of him again?; and, it was only a dream?It was still quite early so I went back to sleep. I was thinking of recalling my dream and finding out the continuation. But for a few reasons, like I could not remember the last scene of the dream, and I was too pissed off with dream, plus I was really that sleepy--I fell asleep easily, and never really cared whether the dream would be continued or not.
I don't think I will go deeper into the details, because I don't really remember them, except for the moments our skin touched--and I don't just mean they touched, somehow he was holding my body so close to his. *kilig* But there's only one brief truth that I should admit: I do not like the idea of dreaming about him. Never.Well, you might be wondering why. I have already admitted to myself this truth a two or three weeks ago, but then I had no explanation. Well, thankfully, now I have better explanations--I can now justify myself.
The first and most frustrating fact that I realize as I wake up and recall my dream is that we HAVE NOT MET for a very, very long time. I have not seen him for a month already. Is that a big deal for me? Sure it is. How am I ever gonna connect to him if I have not seen him. Text would never suffice. And out of pride, I would never text him first again. I am plain miserable with the fact that though I don't see him, I manage to think of him--and my dreams reveal to me that I sub-consciously miss him. How about that?And then there goes all my other dreams back then. I have dreaming about my crushes for the last three years already, but they all have mixed, untimely meanings. I believe that all dreams are meaningful, especially when you remember them. I used to believe that some dreams could be premonitions--a snapshot of what could happen in the not-so-distant future. It's not that I've outgrown this belief of mine, but the fact-of-the-matter is dreams really have nothing to do with the events in your life. Dreams come from your mind alone. Thus, dreams only speak for yourself: your hidden desires, your sub-conscious ideas. And would you not hate it if you already consciously like someone, and then your dreams would speak louder to you revealing how much more you like that someone sub-consciously?
Another frustrating fact is knowing that dreams are just plain dreams. Nothing more, nothing less. Just like when I woke up this morning, I must admit that I was totally pissed off realizing it was only a dream. C'mon, I was already so much involved! How I wish it was all true.Anyway, about the dream I had--well, there was something about him. Yeah, he kept on holding me close to him, which I like so much, mind you. But then, as I recall those moments, I remembered: was it really him? I mean, would he really do something like that, even if not to me. Or was it actually someone else? And I just remembered my sweet seat mate from back then--and I suddenly missed him. Am I actually hoping that my bloc mate was just as sweet as my seat mate? Pondering on this question now, well I do admit that I wish he is.
So, there goes my post-Christmas blog entry.
HAPPY 2008 TO ALL!I will no longer be the bride's maid this 2008!
listen My November 3, 2007 playlist
yahn @ 06:21 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]
Clean Up Act
And so I am back at the obsessive-compulsive mode that I am every start of the year. But the year is just ending. Well, I have decided to post today the highlights of my 2007 even before the year ends, and you will see later on that I will also post my plans for the year 2008 even before 2007 ends. It's just that I believe I would not find the time early next year to update, so I guess I might as well write this week instead.
So, let me start with the highlights of the surprising year 2007, shall we?2007 Highlights
JANUARYOf course the highlight of the first month of the year is my birthday--always was, and always will be. But then, this year is a little different, you could say. I turned 18 this year. Every year I get older, but not every year does anyone celebrate her birthday this much. And I had three different birthday celebrations.
Though I stick with the idea of no extravagant debut party for me, I managed to indeed celebrate it with the people I love. I recall a party I went to one time this year, and she said that what good is a laptop or a car or the big bucks, if I don't have my friends around to share my joy? Good point. So I thought I wasted my precious, one-time only debut celebration for this lovely, cheap laptop of mine, eh? No way, I told myself. I got the best of both worlds: I got what I want and need so badly, and I got all my real, good friends around me to celebrate with me such joyous event in my life.Another highlight of the month, though it wasn't about me but simply I did enjoy it, was our field trip in Subic. Yey, traveled once again! I enjoyed all those dolphin and seal shows, the colorful, sometimes freaky, sometimes dazzling fishes swimming before my very own eyes, and the monkeys jumping from one tree to another, and sometimes even eating their merienda on our way.
FEBRUARYYes, another debut celebration--this time, I'm the one sharing the joy, while my grateful friend celebrates. We had a dance presentation in her debut, would you believe that? And I so much enjoyed playing with my clothes, mixing and matching dresses according to my moods and the theme.
And if I'm not mistaken, in this same month also did I have my second--yup, just my second--GK build. After two whole build-less months, no wonder my whole body really got exhausted after that build! But may I just add that this one build is quite special simply because it was the 1MB GK Build--that one day when all bayani's are called to build for the nation--for the realization of the 1MB dream: a million heroes giving care.And best of all was the Feb Fair. I am really looking forward to the next Feb Fair that I will celebrate with my good ol' LB pals. I would always cherish this time of the year that marks the start of my friendship with my new colleagues in college. So, this is a realization of one goal of mine, eh? Anyway, it's worth mentioning, at least for me, that this is also the time that I finally had my drink of alcoholic beverage. I was very much sober the whole five or so months, and only now did I give in to my lustful desires. What can I say? That perhaps explains why I love my LB pals: they hand me the beer!
Ooh, what I loved most about this month was the dance recital. After a whole sem of ballroom dancing, I so much enjoyed the bonding with --the gossips shared and all the funny jokes cracked--as well as the dance routine we had--with all the matching ballroom moves we've learned along the way. I have so much to be thankful for--dropping that PE 1 was definitely no mistake at all!
APRILNow this is what I would like to call a guilty pleasure month. For almost two weeks I've been invisible--I was nowhere near our house to be found. Where on earth have I been? Oh, to different destinations--both on land and in water. And I just couldn't fathom that with such paranoid and protective parents that I have, I could travel that far--and I did! I just love traveling! Another goal fulfilled, eh?
MAYThe bum days. Traveling on and off lovely Batangas. Swimming there and then. What else? Summer vacation is about to end by this time--so all energy is clustered not on making the most of the summer heat, rather prepping up for the nearing semester, and my evacuation to my new apartment.
JUNENow this really started my 'drinking' days. Was it bad for me that I had to move in an apartment and eventually abuse my freedom? Well, good thing I learned my lesson fast enough, and no grave happening slapped me right in the face. Being the most optimistic person to ever live, one could still extract something good out of a completely bad situation. And in my case, it was a lesson learned well that I had extracted. Add to that a moment with my crush.
Another invisible month for me: what have I been up to this time? I was running aimlessly around here, chasing for my unwritten plans in life. Thankfully, I got through all the trials and managed to emerge a better, MORE BEAUTIFUL, and especially much stronger lady. This month initiated change--as in big, drastic changes--in my lifestyle, perspective and plans in life. Now, what about all those written plans I had at the start of the year?
AUGUSTThe busy, busy, busy month. So, this is the world that I got myself into? Do I regret now my one-whole day decision that 4th of July? Not really. On the contrary, instead of tipping on the other side as I lingered on the brink of desperation, thinking that I should quit instead to end all misery both future and present, I was still in my right sense to do what I've always done: move on with life. There's is no turning back for me now. As the days passed by, I already learned to love what I had before me. Sometimes I wished I hadn't gone through it all, but then what would I learn in the long run? I have been changed by their ways, customs, constitution, by-laws--but before all these, I have chosen to be changed in a good manner, in such a way that I would grow into maturity. Though it seems like a paradox, I choose to grow in Christ through this. And I'm gonna do just that.
SEPTEMBERThe one thing I remember most in this month is the Sports Fest, which I loved the best! But then, I should say that this month has been rather 'friendly' to me. In this month, I got back to the commitments I left where I dropped off. No, it's not the commitment, rather the relationship I had, the connections I have made. I'm not the type that likes planting grudges in people's heart for the things I do [but I do admit that I am a snob--I just can't help it]. Once I've made my connection to the people involved--especially those committed--in the organizations I am still part of, actively participating and committing myself in my affiliations has been this easy. It's inevitable anyway, so all you have to do is accept the fact that you simply have to mingle with the people you work with--the people who have the same aspirations in some way as you. After all, I wouldn't exactly meet all of 'em in such group if I wasn't thinking the same thing as they are, right?
OCTOBEROktober-fest na! But it was no festival for, sadly. Instead, it was full of suspenseful news. Well, thankfully I'm through with all of them. It's just weird that exams are the first to pop in my mind when I remember the end of the sem. Ring a bell? Right: a sem-ender with bloc mates. Now, do I have to go through the details? Well, I choose not to. In addition, I believe it's worth spilling the fact that this month was my first time to actually hang out in a bar. Yeah, funny.
NOVEMBERAnd then a month passed. And that's when I remember my bloc mate so well! That one night only. I may remember it vividly now, but in a month or so, the memory might as well be trash to me then. Sigh, the delights and frustrations of having a crush. Just for the record, this is the first time that I actually considered a crush to be a boyfriend--it's like the two words don't match so well in vocabulary! Maybe because it's true that crushes equals admiration, while boyfriends are friends in fact. The difference is indeed in the distance. And I should say he isn't that far either!
DECEMBEROh month of Christmas. The usual celebration at Batangas, except that we didn't have time for caroling, thanks to my 'late' sister. But Christmas was nonetheless still my fondest memory. I'm glad both for the gifts received and the family/clan bonding. Not to mention all those heart-y gifts I have given away. [Yeah, like my heart--bitter!] And let me not forget the first misa de galo--rather the morning before it started. Not really flattered with the attention, but I just had fun cracking corny lines and jokes with two newly introduced acquaintances--not to mention handsome, but not exactly my type, ones. Emphasis on not my type, as they really aren't--plus, I was thinking UNFORTUNATELY of someone else. Too bad for me. BUT, I enjoyed meeting them both.
COMMENT: And I did not need the help of pictures or even my blog [since nothing was posted here anyway] to help me recall all these events. Yes, everything written here all came from my head. Well, all sequence of events are pretty much that memorable to me, you might conclude. And that would explain as well the randomness of my sentences.So, what's next? Review my goals this year and evaluate? But I can summarize them in a single word: FAILED. Not that I'm being pessimistic here. Excuse me? But this is just so, and I can't do anything about it. Whatever made me say that I have failed my plans indeed? Well, one good reason is enough: I focused on another, and just one, unwritten plan of my life. I do not regret having chosen the undetermined path over the OC path. As I've said, no year would repeat twice for me. Every year is different, and every year teaches a good lesson to me.
Now, I just wonder what MORE I could expect next year.You already know what that one area of my life that I'd like to be finally touched.
listen the deafening silence
read my blog and others
yahn @ 11:09 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]
December 31st, 2007
Note[s] to Self
Yahn!Oh, kamusta ka naman? Buhay pa ba tayo dyan? Kaw kasi eh, masyadong excited sa mga sudden turn of events. Hay nako, pero di rin kita masisi--kaw rin naman may gusto nyan eh. You've secretly wanted things to happen anyway, right? Pati, andyan ka na eh--you might as well accept things as they are. You simply can't go back in time and change the way the events turned out to be. All you could do now is simply go with the flow and let the events change you--improve you--rather than miserable dwell on what YOU, or anyone else, could change: the past.
Yes, indeed there was a point, just a second in fact, when you used to dwell in the idea of giving up, wondering what if and if only. Aminin mo na, may hint of regret deep in the recesses of your mind. But where on earth are you now? Kailangan mo pa bang mag-pause from reality at mag-soul searching? No way now! You've finally come to terms of WHO YOU REALLY ARE: what you you want in life, what you choose to do in life.
This is the path you chose, and as you discovered your true trait, you decide to walk confidently this path without a trace of regret or any harsh feeling. Ever wondered why you never shed a tear for this? It's all because of your faith in GOD. It's all about the faith, baby. You are very much sure of the challenges that come your way; that none of them could possibly break you unless you, yourself, wanted to, and that none of them could be too difficult for you. You are so sure that GOD won't give you problems that you cannot handle.
We are all mere mortals, but we are humans still--much bigger than the problems we face, and given the capability to overcome and take control. Despite all the twist, turns and dramas of life, the world revolves and life goes on for you. In this life that we could consider a movie, there are no stops and rewinds, not even fast forward--just play and pause. You move on with the rest and carry them all with a smile.
On a lighter note, kamusta naman ang buhay mo so far? Particularly love life? Balita ko may stalker ka ah! Lakas mo rin pala 'no. Tapos ano yon? May manliligaw ka na? C'mon, way to go Yahn! But then again, natuloy nga ba? Ah hindi, hanggang paramdam lang pala. And what was that? You're still part of the NBSB clique--you still got no boyfriend? How come?
Yeah, knowing someone likes you is flatter. It's a different feeling for you--like, it's the other way around, instead of the usual stuff that you like the person. This time, it's their turn to like you as well, and show it to you! But realizing that you have no idea as to who likes, as in that person's identity, then that's a different story. What's worse is, that someone knows so much about you, when you have no clue as to who he really is, or where on earth he go his information from! It's like he knows too much!
You wanted to explore the possibilities and play the field already, right? But then, you are a different woman now, and you can't risk things just like that. So you protected yourself instead. You disregarded the stalker--end of story. Well, yes he is still around. But until he has enough courage to admit himself to you, only then would you let him enter your life. Right? Besides, it might turn out in the end that you do in fact know him beforehand. What are the odds.
Oh, and what was that? Yes, the fling and ligaw stuffs. So you really thought you'll finally have a shot at being a 'girlfriend' once someone comes along to spark up the magic and asks you to be one? Nah, it doesn't work that way. Sabi nga, it won't work out unless you actually want it so.
It's nice to hear that you don't settle for anything less--no less than the best God has reserved for you, and you alone. Indeed, for a while it was flattering to think that someone likes you and treats you in a more special manner than he would other people, especially girls. But consider this: could you actually return the favor?
No, loving isn't about giving and then receiving. It's all about the willingness, without expecting anything--expecting nothing, in fact, in return. Yet inside there's a guilty feeling that resides--something nagging you that you're faking things. And you know very well you're no faker, right? Even you--yes you--have a heart. You also have the ability to feel for the other person, to empathize. You thought: if I show even the smallest gesture of appreciation, he might think that there's a chance that I could possibly like him back, and then he would hope.. and when he hopes, you will deliberately fail him because in the first place, you have no intention of liking him back. And then he would realize that he's hoping for nothing at all, and just might get mad [well, that's the worst that could happen] or he might get depressed. And it's all because of you!
So, the saying goes true for you: tell the truth and hurt people now, rather than lie and hurt them in the long run. You pushed him away. And that's just you. You can't help it if you really like pushing people away! It's not really your fault that they choose a different kind of relationship with you--a kind that you exactly agree with. Now, is it?
Whoa, so still no boyfriend this year. But in general, I see there have been 'improvements.' Hey, don't get me wrong. It's just that, there changes, right? 2007 has been different from any other year when it comes to matters of your heart. Things have changed already. Well, all I can say is that: get ready for more by 2008. You just don't know when HE will actually sweep you off your feet.
So 2007 has been a year of change. Well, here you go again with your faith. Yeah, maybe your faith is no longer the problem now. The issue this time is your practice--what you do and no longer do. You notice how your relationship with God has changed? Tell me: have you changed for the good, or the bad? You choose.
How many times have you prayed this year? Kahit ngayong araw lang. Have you noticed how countless--'cause you really had nothing to count. Sad, but true. How about reading the bible--do you still read it? Do you still base your life on it? Or is it just like any other novel that you so appreciate but read only once in your whole lifetime?
No, I'm not mocking you. This is just the way it has always been: slapping the truth right before your face. You never find me harsh, you consider me truthful. The truth hurts, but what about this feeling called 'hurt?' You don't actually feel such. Well, not that you're emotionless or that much indifferent. Rather you just don't linger much on such emotion. What does this 'truth-slapping' signal you? It tells you to evaluate and consider things. It tells you to do something.
Change--yeah, a part of life. Everyone's life in fact. Change is everywhere and all the time. Nobody and nothing is ever stagnant in this life. Even time changes, right? Just like Morrie, the world goes on not even noticing what on freakin' on earth happened to you, or what grave thing has been revealed to you. In this world, all that would really matter is... not just you, but more importantly GOD.
So, the year 2007 is ending in a few minutes. What's next? Well, I see things changing for you. And I do hope my guess is right. Well, I have to go now and see for myself what will unfold in your life. I'll look after you always. I always have! Just keep on writing to me. I see you would frequent more in the cyberspace next year, with all the websites you are in charge of now. Seems like this would be your life now, eh.
Anyway, have fun in 2008. Don't think much of what you don't have--of what you've been missing since birth! Ponder: have really enjoyed the gift of being single? Are not this year's events enough sign for you to consider that perhaps you really aren't ready yet? Consider then reading Josh Harris' book again. To be enlightened. To be inspired. To be motivated as well.
Love GOD, yourself, and others.
yahn @ 11:34 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]