Entries for March, 2008
March 2nd, 2008
I Will
Who knows how long I've loved youYou know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely life time
If you want me to I will
For if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same
Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart
And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
And you know I will
I will
I know this isn't the kind of post you would be expecting from an avid blogger like me. But I tell you, my schedule is definitely making it hard for me to write down sensible posts worth anybody's half hour. Anyway, I swear I will post real updates, real meditations soon enough. I apologize for not updating for some time, having failed for now one of my goals. Anyway, I will surely be back soon. And I will definitely be back with the right updates.
mood off
yahn @ 05:02 PM | Book Of The Yahn [2 comment/s]
March 15th, 2008
When Things Don't Fall In Your Desired Places
I feel that my drinking habit has worsened. God slapped hard reality right in my face. It's about time that I humbly admit my problem to God and ask for his help.This week, I was so refreshed by the word preached by a visiting pastor in our church. It was just what I needed--how timely, I should say. My faith, my outlook toward my circumstances, my whole being was refreshed by God's spirit-filled word. The word was about REST.
Rest--just what I need most these days. After all the troubles and commitments I got myself into this past academic year, rest would be my greatest reward. No, I am no longer contended with simply sleeping and lying around. Indeed, such rest and relaxation practice does good to my body--rejuvenating my physical body, preparing it for more rigorous activity ahead.
Upon hearing the word, I was reminded why I was exhausted all the time. And it's all because I have gathered my strength in everything that has kept me busy from my own limited potential, rather than getting my energy and confidence from my infinite God. My strength decreases with continuous use, but God's never--it only keeps on increasing, and you can gather as much as you need, as much as you want.
Just the past weekend, I was back at my drinking habit. That night was supposed to be a fun sem-ender for our organization--a socio-civic one that supposedly promoted holistic and Godly development. Instead, I wasted myself--got myself foolishly drunk and made things blurry for me.
I may not have done things detrimental to the affiliations I'm part of, or even to my own reputation, or even things I would have regretted. But the point is that, I could have done better things rather than exhaust myself in the rest room. Now I realize how stupid I was for choosing to feed the pleasures of my body rather than glorifying God and having a much better sober relationship with people.
Now I see that some things have changed. I can't go back there anymore. I no longer wish to sulk over the what-could've-been. I am just glad that I was given ample time to consider my experiences and my personality. And now I have been given a choice that I must pick if I do want change in my life. And I must say that I am very thankful that such choice is always available. Most of all, there's not much of cleaning up that I have to go through.
Next week, I will be tempted once again. But I have to stand firm with my decision to never drink alcohol again. I only started drinking last year. I lived two decades of my life without liquor in my diet. Excluding alcohol in my diet would only mean going back to the good ol' times without alcohol, which I was used to. Now, going back to what used to be wouldn't be so hard, right?
But above all, I know I am able to overcome this testing and defeat my enemy through God who strengthens me.
I pray that I am not saying these things only now, and let all the good words of the Lord pass through my ears. I hope they all stay in my heart, and I get to keep my promise to God: to simply offer all of me to His authority.
And that's why I go back to my church, my churchmates, my mentors: for accountability, guidance, and continuous growth in Christ-likeness.
Right now, though the sun outside is shining so bright, my life is as gloomy as it can get: exams, responsibilities toward organizations, relationships. Almost everything is falling apart for me. Then again, I slowly realize that they are one by one falling as well in their rightful places. It's not where you want things to be, rather where God wants them to be. Fortunately for us, God is perfect--he knows what's best for each of us.
yahn @ 05:30 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]
Ten Units More
ISAIAH: Those who wait in the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles...COMMITMENT: It is finding time when there is none.
Am I really up for a relationship? Maybe yes, maybe no. My friends--as if they know any better. But they do know more than what I do. And it helps.
ADVICE: Give chance.
And I am--I am giving chance even though I do not much agree with such.
Just today, I looked back and examined if indeed, based on past experience, there is a slightest chance that I might like someone I didn't initially like at all. Surprisingly, I recall encountering such last year.
I'm not unpredictable. It's not as if sudden turn of events and choices are usual to me. But I cannot possibly leave out the fact of possibility. The possibilities are endless, and a slightest hint of it could produce the most unlikely consequences.
AUBREY: Try falling in love with someone you never initially liked. It's fun.
I admit, flirting with him was fun. Even for just a time.
As I now look at my schedule against his, I see that I have put my career above my priorities. Maybe not on top of God [of course], but still on top of my relationships and even my family. And I'm not only talking about my career as an affiliated woman, but also as a student--and a continually seeking diligent one I must say.
Now I see clearly that indeed, committing to someone in either a serious or not so serious relationship takes time. With my jam-packed schedule, where on earth am I put him in? In the only time that I should be sleeping or resting instead?
How ready am I really to handle my heart and someone else's in the palm of my hands? How ready am I to find time even when there is literally none?
MY TAKE: In life: plan, plan, plan. In love: come what may.
Lord, help me recognize Your intervention in every aspect of my life so I will never take You for granted. Amen.
God, never get tired of molding me in the fire of your love. Make me perfect as you wish, no matter how long, no matter how painful, no matter how difficult. My strength, my hope, my determination, my confidence, my all comes from You alone. Let your will be done, not mine. Amen.
listen Way Back into Love
watch Bb. Pilipinas 2008
yahn @ 06:33 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]
March 20th, 2008
The Art of Loving
I am to make the most humbling statement from my most recent realization as I reflected on what I want in my life.I am not so much of a loving person.
I admit that I am currently engrossed with the new book my dad bought just for me, upon my request of course, When God Writes Your Love Story.
How do I plan to love my future husband [if indeed God has intended for me to marry someday] right at this moment when I have preference over who I love? This startling truth smacked me right in the face. I realized that I choose who I love--I have failed obeying God's law to love others as He has loved me.
At first, I really thought that I was already loving other people by simply not hating them--not getting angry at them at all, not complaining about them, etc. But as the saying goes, indifference hurts more than angry words. I may not have negative feelings or even attitudes toward them, yet the love that God requires of me is still not there--it's still missing.
Love is not abstract, that I firmly believe in. Love is concrete--it is both actions and words. Love is not the opposite of anything--at all. It is simply the diesel that fuels one's heart and soul--causing him/her to act and commit in ways inexplicable. It is not merely an emotion, triggered by hormonal imbalance. Love is not the choice--it is the reason why you choose. And I hope I am right in explaining that.
How then can I love? As my Father in heaven said, Love others as you love yourselves.
How do I love myself?
I feed both my physical and spiritual needs. I meet not the wants of my flesh, rather the needs of my soul. I satisfy the hunger of my soul, and come to realize what really is good for me, not what I just want for myself. I do everything in my power to be able to satisfy myself, but rely on God's infinity for power.
Perhaps that's how I should love others as well. Meeting the needs of other people, being concerned for their welfare, remembering them.
Now I am reminded of the thing I always forget: loving is not just giving to them when they ask for it, it is not giving only when they need it most, rather offering and showing love at all times--for one needs loving ALL the time.
I am one forgetful person. I should be tying these truths in my forehead, posting a reminder on every wall I walk past.
Yes, loving unconditionally would be the greatest challenge for me. Unless I learn to love others without regard to their personality, status, and appearance, then I'm ready to take the next step of loving without bounds, without diminishing reason.
Thank you, Lord, for preparing me for my unforeseen yet bright future. Thank you, God, for molding me continuously to become the person you have designed me to be: perfectly loving in Christ-likeness. May I learn to love as You have showed us and taught us to love. Amen.
mood reflective
listen Alison Krauss' I Will
read Eric & Leslie Ludy's When God Writes Your Love Story
yahn @ 11:55 PM | Ice-peek!, Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]
March 29th, 2008
Last of March
Exempted na.
Pasado na.
Babagsak pa ata.
Hay buhay estudyante. Ang hirap nga naman. Pero kung tutuusin, ito na dapat ang pinakamadaling yugto sa buhay ng isang tao. Sabihin nating, taong may kaya sa buhay.
'Ika nga ni Bob Ong, dalawang dekada ko nga lang naman pagtitiisan ang paaralan. Twenty years! Ikumpara mo naman yun sa limang dekadang paghihirap kapalit ng di pagpasok. Luging-lugi di ba?
Ito ang isa sa mga katotohanang pinanghahawakan ko na siyang umuudyok sa akin para pagbutihin ang aking pag-aaral--at madaliin ang pagtatapos ko. Syempre naman ang salita ng aking Panginoon ang tunay na gumagabay sa akin, di lang para ganahan ako mag-aral, kundi para ganahan din akong ibuhos ang lahat ng lakas, sipag, kakayahan, at pagmamahal ko:
Always remember what you have learned. Your education is your life--guard it well. ~Proverbs 4.13
Finals week na. Gusto ko ng mamatay. Hahaha, syempre biro lang yun. Hindi sa pagsusulit natatapos ang lahat, alam ko yan--at masaya ako sa katotohanang yan. Hindi ko papabayaan ang mga nalalabing araw ng pasukan--hindi pwede. Ayoko, ayoko na syempreng maulit pa ang nakaraan. Nadala na ako. Nakikita ko naman ang aking pagbabago--ang patunay na natuto na ako at nais ko ng umayos ang aking buhay.
Mabuti na lang there's always a second chance. O kahit sa pangyayari lang na ito, nabigyan ako ng pangalawang pagkakataon. Mabuti na lang talaga hindi pa huli ang lahat para sa akin. Good.
I believe there will be changes in some of the plans I have recently posted, particularly the book reading plan. In fact, the plan has been changed already, as I have failed to follow it through.
I have to admit that I got tired [and bored] of reading Mind Your Own Health. Not that I'm lazy and I don't want a healthy lifestyle for myself. I just got tired simply because (1) it is old; and (2) it doesn't provide me with NEW interesting insights on health and nutrition. I have come to finally live up to my realization that if I am to be really healthy, I have to live it up, not read it aloud. I have to eat and act healthily.
So, what's the plan now? Less than a month ago, my good father went to the bookstore and asked me what titles I wanted to read. And I, of course, excitedly gave him the title When God Writes Your Love Story by Leslie and Eric Ludy. Without hesitation, dad brought me one, and by weekend, I excitedly flipped it open, browsed through it, realizing later on that I've just finished reading the first chapter intending to actually read it over the summer vacation.
Now, I'm still into that book, and almost done with it. I couldn't just finish the last two chapters because of the exams I've just mentioned above.
Therefore, it only seems that instead of reading the health book, I substituted the Christian book. Well, the changes in my book reading schedule doesn't quite end there yet.
You see, recently I found around home a book that I love yet didn't much appreciate back when I was reading it. It is another Christian book, and back then I had no idea of Christianity--like what is exactly about and how such differs from Catholicism. Now, having understood my preferred religion [and loving that choice], I got excited having found that book--looking forward to reading it once again, only this time I will make the most out of the book. The book I am so eagerly talking about is the million-copy selling book by Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life.
This summer, whether I'll be taking summer classes or not, I choose to reflect. Perhaps this is the perfect timing for my soul searching. In this time that I am so exhausted and emotional, I want to rest. And I believe this is the perfect time for me as well to gather once again strength and confidence to face the trials and difficulties of life. As I have read in another blog, the body replenishes with sleep, but the heart does not--it replenishes through prayer and God's word.
I hope I could post soon my plans for the summer vacation. Up until now, I still have no idea whether I'll enroll for summer classes or not. As for now, I am decided on spending the forty days of my vacation realizing God's purpose in my life. I could read two books at a time, but I'll make it a point that I won't just read Rick Warren's gift--I'll use it.
I might as well post a new book-reading schedule. Well, I'll do it some other time. And I hope I remember to do it.
Tabulas' new control panel is great. I'm using it now. This one is so much better than before. No wonder I never thought of leaving this blog. Keep on improving Roy! Tabulas just keeps on getting better.
mood bloated
listen Timbaland's The Way I Are
read Shear & Bending Moment
yahn @ 09:35 PM | Book Of The Yahn [2 comment/s]