Entries for April, 2008

April 8th, 2008

Dahil Bakasyon Na...

Ang ganda ng bago kong layout. Yun na lang ang nasabi ko.

Hay bakasyon. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Walang ginagawa. Bum mode ika nga. It feels so good to lie around, sleep for twelve hours, worry about nothing at all. The pressures and work of the past two semesters have drained out the energy in me. I lost almost all my strength, but the faith I have managed to nurture and grow in my heart.

What else is new? Well, I have to admit that I only have this week for a vacation. Yes, ngayong linggo lang ako mabibilanggo sa pamamahay na ito. Bakit kamo? Dahil naisipan kong mag-summer classes, like everybody else. Like everyone else, I simply wanted to secure my future--na on-time pa rin ako makaka-graduate.

Anyway, I enrolled in only one subject. That's two and a half hours of my time daily including Saturday. What else do I have to do with the rest of my remaining free hours? I plan to accomplish the goals I have set at the start of the year. Let me list down my summer goals, alright?

1. Reflect. Soul search. Seek God.
   
2. Read at least 7 books/novels.
3. Pray and fast.
4. Attend Youth Camp, Campus Harvest '08.
5. Magpapayat. Exercise and all.
   
6. Drive.
7. Play the piano and memorize pieces.
8. Write and earn money.
9. Learn to speak French.
   
10. Recruit.

Whew. Did I miss out on anything? I hope not. Well, I now place all these plans in God's hands. Without His powerful will and grace, this list is nothing--nada, none, zero, pointless.

mood complacent
listen The Extreme's More Than Words
watch CSI Miami

yahn @ 10:43 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]

April 10th, 2008

Summer Plans

Summer wouldn't spell B-U-M for me. I'll be taking up summer classes, though I only enrolled for one single subject. I see myself quite busy over the next sixty days. And I don't plan the season to pass by me just like that. Here's a more detailed list of the accomplishments I want in this summer heat.

1. Reflect. I was at the brink of searching for myself, soul-searching as the world proposes, once again and discovering who I really am. But then I encounter this verse, Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. [Mt 10.39] I was reminded of my identity in Christ, as His daughter, as someone that He dearly loves that He gave me eternal life out of grace. Well, the bottomline is: I'm going on a 40-day retreat, whether with a partner or not. I will embark once again in the meditative, transforming book by Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life. It's about time I directed my life toward God, and live peacefully.
2. Read seven [7] books/novels. Along my journey with the Lord, asking for my life's meaning, I will still enjoy finishing a book/novel. A novel would be a good choice, for I haven't read a good one lately. Here are the titles I'm planning to enjoy every night this summer: The Devil Wears Prada, Little Women, Little Men, Women in Love, A Little Princess, and a few more classics in ebooks.
3. Attend Youth Camp and Campus Harvest in May. I'll invite people as well to join.
4. Get slimmer. This calls for desperate measures: diet, exercise, and a complete change of mindset. I will live in a healthier body and in a healthier lifestyle.
5. Drive. I plan to enrol in a driving school with a buddy. Or simply drive at home. How I wish I get better and finally start driving along the expressway soon.
6. Play the piano and memorize notes. I'm almost there! Perhaps all I need now is a clear schedule of when I'll be practicing. I hope I could memorize these pieces, if not this summer, at least this year: Canon in D, If I Ain't Got You, Everything by Michael Buble.
7. Write and earn money. Freedomwriters, here I come! I'll also bring along a friend of mine to work with me.
8. Speak French. I'll read again that French book of ours at home. To make things more realistic, I have to set a schedule as to when and how I'll practice my French grammar and vocabulary.
9. Cook! I'm not sure I can still stuff this one in my schedule, but I'll make an effort to actually learn more about the craft and cook foods myself at home.
10. And of course, STUDY.

God, I am excited to end this one-week break of mine and start the season already! I'm placing my hopes in God that He bless them all and help me accomplish them one by one.

Lord, my prayer is for Your will alone to take place. May I place my trust and faith in You, for You alone know what is best and does what benefits most. Help me realize Your intervention in my daily experiences and responsibilities. Always knock in my heart and remind me of Your presence, for You realize how forgetful I actually tend to be. Let me be reminded that You always have appointed a time for everything, and that everything takes place in a slow, orderly process. All these I bring in Jesus' name. Amen.

mood ecstatic
read Josh Harris' Boy Meets Girl

yahn @ 01:19 PM | Book Of The Yahn [1 comment/s]

April 13th, 2008

Quite A Long Wait

04.02.2008 Wednesday Dawn

Bakit tuwing 2nd semester ako naghahanap ng relasyon?

Bakit natataong sa 2nd semester ako nagkakaroon ng crush? Hindi ko syempre matutukoy na ako'y in love  dahil kung pag-ibig nga naman iyon eh seryoso dapat yon--forever ika nga.

Anong meron kapag 2nd sem at ang hilig-hilig kong mag-flirt sa mga nabanggit na panahon? Parang lahat na lamang eh, maski sino, makapanlandi lang. I won't deny nor wash my dirty hands. I admit I do not have the the purest thoughts and most sincere intentions in my relationships with the opposite sex. Masyado kong nadarama ang bigat ng kaibahan ng kasarian namin.

At higit sa lahat, paano nangyaring sa tuwina 2nd sem ko nais higit na magkaroon ng nobyo? Dahil kaya ito sa nalalapit na pagtatapos ng taon--at pag-asang dala ng panibagong taon?

Bakit nga kaya?

04.12.2008 Saturday Dawn

Lord, I summon for your will. Please take away these strong desires and fantasies that I have for him. If they do not come from you, please do take them away from my mind and heart. If possible please replace them with utmost desire and hunger for you and excitement for the one you have prepared for me. Do not torture my imagination and even my future lover's with such ungodly and lustful thoughts--especially if he is not the one. But otherwise, Lord, please let these feelings and affections remain. Let me nurture them and keep them in my heart. Always guide the both of us in all our dealings. Continue to mold us into the persons you choose us to be. Let me wait patiently and faithfully for your plans to unfold before the both of us. Amen.

TODAY

Dear Lord,

I am surprised with the prayer I have just mentioned. I feel that for the first time, I have begun to understand Your plans for me. At least I hope I really am comprehending Your word--the lessons You've been teaching me again and again for the past months. Am I really getting it this time?

I am so much thankful that for the first time, I was actually, wholeheartedly able to appreciate Your gift of singlehood to me. I am not speaking with sarcasm and I am definitely genuine with my confession of gladness for being single. I don't know what came into me, I guess Your Holy Spirit, eh?

But then, I am more profoundly grateful for making me no more stubborn. In the past two years, I have insistently demanded the love life I've been missing for years already. Before I was so ready to accept whatever comes my way and simply take hold of what does not belong to me, though it's not the best that you have intended for me. Back then I was so eager to rebell and do as my flesh wishes.

Things have changed over time. You have transformed me through and through. The other night, lustful thoughts crept back in my head. All of a sudden, I was once again tempted to let go of You and wish for short-term pleasure to come. Then, this prayer struck me--and You come knocking in my heart. In a snap, I was awakened--fully, I might add--with Your utmost concern for me, especially in that particular area that I have always struggled to entrust to You, my love life.

After having prayed that prayer, I smiled and genuine happiness sank deep in me. It was only then that I realized that the 'sweeter song' did exist. And I began to 'hum' that sweeter song alongside my 'desirably pleasurable' trouble. I was no longer struggling to take away a natural tendency that You have embedded in me as a human being--my nature as human to appreciate. No, I did not over-interpret things and interpreted them in own terms. Rather, Your Holy Spirit just came and made me at peace with my affections.

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. [Is 40.31] Yes, I do place my hope in You. I won't be like Saul, impatient, and take things into my own hands. No, I will not rush and disobey You. Like David, I choose to follow and wait on You, though I feel hopeless in my situation. I will wait and hope in Your promise, for I know You are faithful and You never fail, like men do.

Well, I hope I get to write again soon. It was nice reporting to You. Rather being transformed by You. Just keep in touch. And you know how forgetful I tend to be, so keep on tapping me on the shoulder. And if I become that stubborn again, don't hesitate to slap me in the face. Just let me feel You hugging back afterwards.

Thanks a bunch!

~Yahn

yahn @ 06:50 PM | The Letters [2 comment/s]

April 15th, 2008

Rebuked--Out of LOVE

John 17.19 (NIV): For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

Yesterday, rather the other night, a good, close friend of mine posted this comment in my Friendster account. I viewed her comment two-fold: a rebuke and an encouragement. I was rebuked for being guilty of failing to sactify myself so that I can affect sanctity in others as well, in response to the great commission. I was encouraged though to continue my efforts to actually live a Christian life. Yes, indeed it is totally difficult, especially in such a fallen world where all the reactions that people would throw at such faithful believers are insults and taunts.

I have to admit that more often than not, I show no sign of Christianity in my personality--not a slightest sign of Christ's mark of love is visible in my words nor deeds. Now, how bad is that?

But through this good, close friend, God has reminded me that His transformation of me was never about the words I'm now speaking, the ideas I'm writing down, nor the prayers that I'm thinking about. Yes, it is about the faith. But more importantly it is about the acts: obedience in His instructions.

In my quiet times for the past days, God has shown me through Saul's kingship what was really essential in my Christian life. As Samuel, the appointed prophet of God then, rebuked Israel's first king, I felt his words piercing through my heart as well.Is the Lord as delighted with burnt offerings and sacrificesas he would be with your obedience?To follow instructions is better than to sacrifice. To obey is better than sacrificing the fat of rams. [1 Sam 15.2]

As discouraging this sounds, Christ had mercy for sinners like us otherwise. Knowing my imperfection and unholiness as a mere human being, Christ encourages me to never falter in faithfulness: Rather, how blessed are those who hear and obey God's word. [Luke 11.28] Even His messenger, James, tells me so: My brothers and sisters, what good does it do if someone claims to have faith but doesn't do any good things? Can this kind of faith save him? [Jas 2.14] Indeed, what good would my faith do me? Wasn't it that through faith I was saved, and through that same faith God has transformed me inside-out--the way Saul received God's spirit and prophesied reluctantly? [1 Sam 19.23-24]

Then again, as she closed, she told me God's promise so that I won't waver in my faith: [Philippians 4.13] I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Now, how good can life get?

Now, as my summer classes start, I hope my eagerness and thirst for God never falters as well. I do pray that God will keep on rejuvenating me, no matter how tired, overwhelmed, confused, nor hopeless I or even my circumstance get. I'll keep on pursuing God not because I choose to, but now because my God made me choose so. Because I have finally come to terms that my real choice is to love God. For with LOVE, all else follows. [1 Cor 13]

yahn @ 12:37 AM | Ice-peek!, Book Of The Yahn [4 comment/s]

April 19th, 2008

Greater Than One

Tonight, I've heard good news from God. I may be a Christian, but I still attend mass with my family. It's not only for the sake of family togetherness, rather God is tugging me in the heart and telling me that He has something to tell me no matter where I choose to hear it.

I prayed fervently before the mass started, and I was able to listen with diligence. I learned two things from the priest's homily.

One: WE ARE IN FAITH.

Don't be troubled. Believe in God, and believe in me. [Jn 14.1]

Jesus himself told me this truth. He is telling this affirmation as well to you. How did you feel upon reading this--upon knowing that this comes from Jesus himself? Do you feel any better--or react as if some lunatic told you this?

Lately I have been troubled with many things. First off is my driving. Out of anger, I told my dad, "What if I don't really want to drive?" As usual he gave me a sermon, enumerating to me the advantages of knowing how to drive a car, and actually driving one. My overwhelming emotions closed in on my head and prevented me from listening carefully. Instead of listening, I thought at the back of my mind: how can anyone learn something s/he is unwilling to learn? Well, it's enough for me to learn the basics--I don't really see myself driving my own car in the future anyway, so perhaps I won't need these exhausting driving practices any longer.

And then there goes the Youth Camp. It was moved to an earlier date--a schedule not exactly favorable on my part. Add to that my summer classes. Of course I still worry whether I'll fail or pass, or simply how low my grade can get--especially now with our assignment that I have trouble finishing. Plus that one, which the priest mentioned, though I'm not exactly worrying about it much lately, but is still bothering me--my singlehood.

Life is so full of worries. Man never runs out of problems to deal with. But as the priest said, "That's the beauty of life. Everyday, people wake up. Yes, we all think of our worries, but we always wake up out of faith."

God reminds me that He never made life easy. Life is difficult for man--it is for me, but never for Him. And the best thing about life is that nobody who has been given life goes alone--God is always with us.

Two: GOD IS IN CONTROL

My Father's house has many rooms. If that were not true, would I have told you that I'm going to prepare a place for you? If I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again. Then I will bring you into my presence so that you will be where I am. [Jn 14.2-3]

Faith is not all there is. There's more if we simply believe and put our trust in Him.

Yes, we are all troubled. We are humbled by these problems and realize that we have no control over things--over our circumstances, other's choices, etc.

I have no control over the way my sister speaks to me. I have no control over the way drivers drive here in our country. I don't have control over time--definitely. And I cannot possibly control the choices other people make, and their emotions.

Who, then, controls them all?

God does.

We believe not simply because we choose to, or merely because God asks us to do so. But our faith relies in Jesus' promise. We believe that God will take care of things. We let go of our burden, and in faith submit them to His will. [Mt 11.28-29] Then we later on see God working His way through our life, and see for ourselves that He really is in control.

Towards the end of the sermon, I was able to smile to myself. God does work wonders to His children. And as I knelt to pray, I was able to submit to Him my worries, saying: God, please take my anger, my wild fantasies, my fears. I surrender them now to you. Take them and let me have peace. I know I cannot control them for only YOU alone can. A sigh of relief immediately followed--and my strength, my hope, and my faith is renewed.

I can guarantee this truth: Those who believe in me will do the things that I am doing. They will do even greater things because I am going to the Father. [John 14:12]

mood rejuvenated
listen Revive Our Hearts
read The Purpose Driven Life: Day 4

yahn @ 11:41 PM | Ice-peek!, Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]

April 20th, 2008

A-List

1. First, I have an assignment I haven't finished yet. There are only five items, but then the last two parts were really difficult. I tried answering them, of course, but then to no avail, I didn't get anywhere near any answer. So I stopped, and decided that I'm gonna answer it today instead with my study-buddies.
   
2. And then I'm going back to Los Banos in a few minutes. I am, yet I'm still here in front of the computer, downloading mp3's and the stuffs I'm planning to bring aren't prepared yet!
3. Yesterday was Mom's 50th. Yeah, go greet her.
4. I'm engrossed in Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life. My spritual journey has already started, and I'm praying that I get to finish what God has made me start. And of course, I pray fervently that His word will lead my life, that I may walk in His light, and God will reveal to me a li'l more clearly His good plans for me.
5. I drove today. And I'm getting better at it.
6. Hardships are coming my way. I'm having trouble responding. But I am no longer pressured, unlike before. My deepened relationship with God has given me peace, and now I am able to handle troubles in a relaxed attitude.
7. I played the piano a while ago. I'm bringing it to my dorm today. I'm practicing Canon in C but I'm also reviewing the pieces I used to play.
8. I'm enjoying my course now. I am because I'm more confident now that I CAN FINISH IT. Yay!
9. I'm hoping my faith doesn't falter.
10. I'm also into my French book. Well, it isn't exactly mine, though. Anyway, I'm learning much. At times I get lazy memorizing words, but then I'm praying that I'll finish through the course at the appointed time. The process is long and boring, so I look forward to the end, which is fulfilling and God-glorifying.
11. I have been consistent with my blog update schedule. Cheers!
12. I'm not sure I could still attend the conference I'm supposed to go to next month. I'm tempted to lie, but God says I should tell the truth 'cause He'll take care of things. Oh well, maybe I'll tell my folks next time, at God's appropriate time.
13. And then there's the Youth Camp, which will be held next week. My cousin won't go, and I'm not sure I could go, too. Boohoo, what do I do now, Lord? Should I tell my friend the bad news or wait on you?
14. Anyhow, I have to go now. I had fun surfing the net even for just six hours. XD
    

mood indescribable
listen Revive Our Hearts
read The Purpose Driven Life: Day 5

yahn @ 01:30 PM [3 comment/s]

April 30th, 2008

Health Problems & the Summer

Last Saturday, I had perhaps the worst case of hang over. My head was aching all-day long, and I had trouble digesting food. I felt like I'm gonna throw up whatever I'll stuff in my mouth 'cause the food I just chewed wouldn't get pass my esophagus. And then the following day, Sunday, I was experiencing LBM, to which once again I had trouble digesting food, therefore going hungry for almost the whole day again. Come Monday, I happen to find out that then was the start of my monthly period. Come yesterday, Tuesday, and today, my throat is aching like crazy. Now how about that for an illness-filled week for me?

On another note, our first exam in our major subject [yes, the only subject I'm taking this summer to which I am determined to get a flat one ] was, well, pretty long--much longer than I expected it to be, but just as tricky as I suspected. The results immediately came out--our exam was Friday, and our papers were back to us by Monday. I would say my hopes of getting that flat one for the first time in my college life is still up. I got the highest mark among my friends, but I didn't meet my expectation. Not that I'm too hard on myself, but I'm just making sure my faith goal's still within reach. Anyway, I'm still believing in God, and my hope really rests on Him, not on my efforts alone.

Before surfing the net, I practiced driving with dad. See, I'm really getting better at it. And I almost thought I'm gonna give up, eh? I've learned so much in my driving lessons this afternoon--much more than what my father used to teach me from beginning until the other week. I'm glad that I haven't forgotten much of my lessons back then. What's more, I'm no longer afraid! I no longer get jittery at the thought of driving along the road. I'm even excited to get out of our subdivision and practice in a different environment instead! Though I was disappointed 'cause we went round and round the same old routine. Then again, thankfully, I've learned much, which I think I wouldn't learn if we did practice outside our place. Express way, I'm almost there!

And on a final note, my summer plans have been experiencing drastic changes a bit lately. Anyway, let me reassess my accomplishments when I'm done, right?

By the way, another exam on Friday. Cross fingers! I'm planning to solve practice problems tomorrow. I pray all goes well. Cheers!

PS: Gosh, today's the 30th already--summer's half-way through! I wonder what more could happen. Well, I hope God doesn't withdraw from me anytime.

mood cheerful
listen Do You Know Where You're Going To by JLo
watch Britain's Got Talent

yahn @ 07:56 PM | Book Of The Yahn [4 comment/s]