Entries for June, 2009

June 1st, 2009

When you just can't get over it

I cannot even begin to share the ecstatic emotion overwhelming me since I got home yesterday afternoon.

What on earth just happened anyway?

Do I tell the story already? Do I have to spill it all?

Well, maybe not today. I'm kinda tired. And got some things to take care of tomorrow early morning.

So, yeah. Binitin ko lang kayo. XD

Anyway, I'll share. Soon enough. You'll see. Give me ample time.

In the mean time, let me just share a few questions running in my head on our way home this evening.

And the best question of which: Blooming ba talaga? :D

Anyway, I'll be back tomorrow. Or the next. I swear, trust me.

"Live for the moment; for in this moment, we are free."

mood anxious
listen BEP's Boom Boom Pow

yahn @ 11:58 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]



June 7th, 2009

Anatomy of an Outing

Magsisimula ang lahat sa konting yayaan. Kung minsan ay biglaan pa. At kung sino-sino lang rin naman mayayaya. Basta game. Basta madaling kausap. Basta maigi kausap.

Boy: Tara mag-swimming!
Girl: Game! Kailan? Anong meron?
Boy: Kailangan pa ba ng dahilan?
Girl: Oh sige, sabi mo eh.
Boy: Balitaan na lang kita kapag tuloy na tuloy na.
Girl: Yey! Kita-kits. Salamat!

Tama naman ang tanong ko di ba? Kailan, saan... mga maayos na tanong ng taong nag-aayos ng kanyang hectic schedule. Anong meron, sinong mga kasama. Aba, tinatanong pa nga ba yon? Eh kung gusto mo naman ang trip at ang nagyaya sa'yo eh, why not, di ba?

At higit sa lahat na konsiderasyon: pera. Laking swerte na lang ng mga taong nakakaipon. Laking swerte ng mga tropang malaki-laki ang allowance. At lalong laking swerte ng mga taong may sumagot sa kanila sa outing.

Lalala lala.

Sa mismong araw ng outing. Alas-sais magsisimula ang saya. Alas-sais ang simula ng reserbasyon. At alas-sais din ang alis sa tagpuan. Kaya bale alas-syete na makakarating sa resort. Alas-syete makakapagsimulang mag-ayos-ayos ng gamit at kakainin, kung mayroon. Alas-syete magsisimula ang kantahan at sunod-sunod na punch ng numero sa videoke.

Pero ang tunay na ingay ay magsisimula bandang alas-otso y media, palapit ng alas-nwebe sa paglalim ng gabi. Tuloy-tuloy ang daloy ng kanta sa videoke, kahit pa walang kumukuha ng mikropono at kumakanta, kahit pa walang pumapansin gano man kakorni ang tugtog, kahit gano pa kasintunado at kairita ang boses ng kumakanta, at lalong kahit na ba walang nakakaalam talaga ng kantang tumutugtog sa background.

Sa ibang dako naman, sinisimulan nang timplahin ang juice. "Ilabas na ang alak na yan." "Oh, itabi yang pagkain, pwede pang pulutan yan." "San na ba ang baso? Ang shot glass? Handa na chaser." "Pwede bang juice lang inumin." "No shot, no juice, no food." Hay, simula na ng kaguluhan. Simula na ng ligaya!

Sa pagikot ng dalawang baso. "Oh, kanino na?" "Ang taas naman!" "Dalawahin kaya natin pinapaikot para mabilis?" "Di naman tayo nagmamadali, ha?" "Ikaw na lang tumagay."

At sa pagtagal pa. "Pass na ko." "Saluhin mo naman akin." "Hoy, medyo nagtatagal ha." "Ilabas na isa pang bote!"

Hanggang sa wala nang nagkamalay kung ilang litro na ba nabuksan, ilang litro na rin natimpla, ilang usapin na rin ang nagdaan, ilang tao na ang nakausap, ilang kanta na ang napalampas, ilang baso na ang nasasayang, ilang pagkain na ang napapapak, o ilang alak pa ang hindi nagagalaw.

Games. "Dyan tayo magaling eh." Hindi mawawala ang mga larong kalokohan at kagaguhan na syang lubusang kumukumpleto at talaga namang nagpapasaya sa isang malakihang outing. Sa pagikot ng mga basong hindi na malaman kung kaninong laway na ang tumulo saan, hindi na rin mababakas sa mukha ng mga kasali ang pananabik sa kaguluhang idudulot ng laro. Hindi maiwasan kabahan pero tagumpay na hindi maipahalata dahil na rin sa kalasingan. Ngunit itong kalasingan sa halip ang lumalabas, at pumupukol sa kahinaan ng tao. Mapapaisip tuloy ang isa: alin na lang kaya--kabahan o malasing? Sa huli ay pipiliin pa rin ang lakas ng tama ng alak sa utak.

Ang kapana-panabik sa mga larong ito ay yun mga gagawin ng mga taong hindi natin akalaing magagawa. Yun mga sinasabi na di lubos maintindihan na mababanggit pala. Yun mga rebelasyong di sukat akalaing iyon ang katotohanan. At sa lahat ng ito, pare-pareho lang rin nakakakaba sa iisang aspeto: yung MALI. Paano kung maling tao ang nasabihan, maling tao ang nagawan, maling tao ang napagpakitaan, maling bagay ang nasabi, maling salita ang nagamit?

Pero sabi nga, anumang nasabi sa inuman ay iiwan dapat sa inuman. Tama?

Sa paglalim pa ng gabi, pagpatak ng hatinggabi, marami nang natumba at hindi na napabilang sa ikot ng baso. Marami nang bumigay at isinuko ang kanina lamang ay kinawiwilihang papakin. Marami na rin syempre ang nag-alisan at inaliw ang sarili sa iba pang entertainment na nakapaligid, gaya ng swimming pool at videoke.

Ngunit syempre, meron at meron pa rin dyan yun mga tumatagal... yun mga nabibitin pa... yun mga hindi na mamalayan hanggang saan ang gusto... at kaya.

Umonti man ang tao, ngunit lumakas naman ang hiyawan at sigawan. Lumakas ang tugtog sa videoke, maging ang kantahan at kawalan ng sinusundang tono. Lalo pa rin lumalakas ang hiritan... hiritang walang humpay sa pagpapautas sa kakatawa ng mga tao... hiritang walang pinipiling biktima... at hiritang walang kinikilingang pasimuno.

Kabilin-bilinan ng lola
Wag kang uminom ng serbesa
Ito'y hindi inuming pambata
Mag-softdrinks ka na lang muna

Pagsapit ng alas-sais ng umaga, mamalayan mo na lang maliwanag na. Hindi mo na maiisip kung saan ka nakatulog, naka-ilang oras ka ng tulog, anong oras ka nakatulog, sinong nakagising sayo, at higit sa lahat ANO PANG NANGYARI BAGO KA MISMO BUMAGSAK. Hindi mo pa mamamalayan naka-ilang litro ka, na ikaw na pala mismo tanggero ng huling bote eh ayaw na ayaw mo nga nagsusukat-sukat ng alak sa baso, o kung ano ba ang huli mong naabutang hiritan.

Oh, eh anong nangyari mula alas-dos hanggang paggising mo?

Maririnig mo na lang sa mga kwento ng mga kasama mo kung anong nangyari sayo... kung anong tunay na nangyari... kung ano pang mga nangyaring hindi mo namalayan.

Saan kamo napunta ang gabi? Ang madaling araw?

Gusto mo ba talagang malaman?

The truth hurts. But in this case, the truth is just that bad--it stings!

Maulit pa kaya ang bonding... ang outing... ang kalokohan... ang mga nangyari?

Kung tutuusin, ano nga naman ang buhay na wala ni katiting na kaligayahan... na hinaluan ang kalokohan?

A big hangover lasts only a day... but our funny, happy, EMBARASSING, drunken moments will last forever.

yahn @ 04:32 PM | Book Of The Yahn [2 comment/s]



June 11th, 2009

Days in LB

So this is how it is in any case I decide to leave the dorm and go back and forth Binan-LB on a regular school day? One word: HAGGARD.

It all started last Monday. No alarming of phone. I don't have an exact call time to beat anyway. Well, I was kinda right about that. I turned down the aircon the night before--just cool enough to keep me asleep, and warm enough to wake me up once the sunshine heats up the earth. I woke up past seven. Exactly the time I intended to do my morning rituals of eating breakfast and taking a bath. I finished with my routine just past eight, so with the two-hour commute, I reached LB by ten-fifteen. And when I got there, they were just about to release registration forms, with only a handful of hopeful students waiting by the corridor and inside the office. Perfect, great timing.

Gave up my ID to the staff inside, and in a jiffy I was presented with my Form 5. I go back in the office, pick up the half-sheet of paper and filled it up with the necessary information I could provide, then left half-piece of paper with my Form 5 to the snob staff behind the counter. Then, off to the sorority house.

In the soro house, I was surprised by the presence of Lo. I know she has work. And I know she just came from out-of-town, somewhere in Leyte, for work. So I also know she's not forgetful in bringing us presents. I see her sitting in the sala, laptop on her lap, just started watching with this movie I haven't yet deciphered. A few chitchats on how work and the trip went, plans on bills payment of the not-so-new home sweet home, registration and campus issues. Then she finally shares the pastillas she's been keeping in her travel bag, fresh from the airport.

Soon enough, she offered to watch with me this cool film she's viewing again: Taken. Great, I also like the movie! So yeah, I've seen it too. But before we officially started with the quick movie marathon, I brought up to her a topic I didn't think she wasn't informed yet: death of our sis' mother. You see, her mother happens to cater to our activities the past two years: in our alumni homecomings, and more often than not, in the annual Open Tambayan. In two years' span, we grew close to one another: the sisses and Tita, as we'd fondly call her.

She's no different from any other mother who loves her daughter. Like my own mom, she had her stereotype of the sorority, and resist such form of organization. She also didn't like her daughter's decision to secretly join a sorority, and is stunned to know the truth when she was a member already. Anyway, Tita died of liver cancer just that morning. And all of us just found it so ironic: she just graduated on time, yet her mom was taken away from her. Lo said, "Pina-graduate lang muna sya." And I reply, "At least she got to see her march." [Well, pretty much the funniest comment I heard was, "Sayang, di ka man lang nya inabutan ikasal." Now how far can that get? XD] And I get the nagging feeling that she'll get by just fine. Even now, as her mother is to be taken to her final resting place, she's good. Well, my prayers are for them both.

After the drama, well we started off with the movie trip, and finished so by lunch time. But then,neither of us had the appetite to eat lunch. With nothing else to do but wait a few more hours for my filled up form from our college, I watched yet another movie. Lo already left for her half-day work, pitied enough on me to leave her Compaq for me to have something to pass time. And so I watched The Accidental Husband, its picture I just saw in the Coming Soon frame when I watched Angels and Demons in Festival. In the middle of my preview, Anne came next. A few chitchat, and then she was off to work once again. Lunch time--the perks of holding your own schedule and doing what you enjoy.

Anyway, so it was alone time in the house. The film was over in two hours, and by past two, I was plain bored and just waiting on my sis before I leave the house locked. Within about thirty minutes of browsing through files, documents, and a very, very, very few games, they finally came, and in a jiffy we were all out of the house. I've decided to check out and withdraw money from the bank, afterwards checking out if my forms have been released. Good move. It was just before closing time when I got to the bank. And in the Dean's office, I just managed to pull of getting a Form 26 that she won't allow me for lame reasons of simply changing sections. Anyway, that's that, and so I just left, feeling quite happy for myself.

But I didn't leave for home right then and there. I happen to pass by my churchmate, and all of a sudden out of hunger for not having the said lunch and with just enough time and money for some chitchat, we decided to have a short merienda at this burger store at the foot of our dorm. Yet after that meal, my work wasn't still done! The supposedly last work to tick off the day's to-do list was send a letter, that I didn't really get to do when all of a sudden the heavy rain poured down. Worried of having the papers wet, I simply took off, on my way back to Binan.

Around seven, I was back with my usual Facebook, Forums, YMail routine. All until past twelve, maybe even one. Can't really recall.

The next day, I slept in until ten-thirty. Mom woke me up to remind me that I planned on going back to LB for another pre-rog attempt--the desire to change sections to fit my schedule. So I immediately got up, chasing a 1 PM deadline to get to LB. Same routine, same time consumed. Even had myself lost in the forests of Makiling. But thankfully got to see where my very first class would be next week.

After such failed attempt to find the teacher I just need, I was chasing next to a 3 PM deadline this time. A few minutes past three, I was heading for my sis' mom's wake, thankfully getting there even ahead of the sisses. After a short chitchat and some plan-plotting, we went out and even had myself spend on some buko pie that mom and I both love. Straight home once again!

Well, only this time I slept past four, instead of just one. Been up all night in the laptop, chatting away. It's been a while since I really chatted long hours with so many people. And still, we were chatting about that, whatever that was, which I still don't know and I don't really have plans of knowing, but now realizing that indeed I do have to know so.

And then for the last time yesterday, with the suggestion of the teacher I talked with the day before, I rushed to LB beating a 10 AM deadline, and luckily got to the teacher's office just about a quarter before ten. Hesitantly went back to our college to have my adviser and the dean sign my form to officially register me in my desired lab class. Met with a brod who just filed for overload, and chitchatted on the walk back to the dorm.

Lo and behold! I saw Davis about to go down from the dorm for the first time in weeks. He was on his way to the dean's office to have his papers signed for his SA [aka work]. Like, what the? That's where I just came from. But of course, friendship trumps over laziness and the hot mid-day madness, so I went with him and we told one another of all the juicy chismax we've been missing from one another. I mentioned to him the outing, and that which I couldn't remember, while he told me of his party night that he's been resisting for almost a year now, with my party-mate who happens to be his very roommate.

And then we met with Madam. She's been out the past semester, and it's been surprising to see her with such a very short hair! As Davis told me before, she wasn't as thin as before, but I definitely I agree with his comment that she looks so much better this time, with a few fats here and there and an awesome cut that totally suits her.

After that one-hour lunch in FC, wherein our friendly kuya who serves us food almost kicked us out, we went separate ways: them on a pre-rog attempt that I just finished, me on a call work. Called a few offices, got pissed off at the unreliable payphone on the street that ate up my five-peso coin and won't take in another five-peso coin of mine. A few failed attempts, and some thirty pesos spent on less than five-minute calls pretty much paid off. Gathered new information in the least.

For the first time in years, I came home from LB on a weekday as early as three! After an hour, I found myself drowsy, so I rewarded myself some sleep in the air-conditioned room after quite a job well done for the three days spent back-and-forth in LB.

My point now? Still the one word: HAGGARD. Three days' trip got me exhausted. I find the commute time very much wasted. Makes me appreciate all the more living in the dormitory. Making me hesitant on my plans to stay at home instead of rent an apartment or what when I go OJT next summer.

Anyway, so this is one long weekend for everyone, huh? Enjoy the bum days. As much as I am doing now. XD


mood chipper
listen Layla Kaylif's Shakespeare in Love
read The Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino

yahn @ 05:49 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]



June 12th, 2009

When Ignorance Is Not Bliss

What difference does it make
if you knew who he was
if you knew what it was
if it never existed at all
never really happend?

The mind is never silenced
from flashes of memory
from funny comments
from haunting questions
from lingering curiousity.

Questions per question
they never quiet down:
what just happened?
what did I just do?
what on earth was I thinking?

"What was really up with me!
knowing all along what was happening
knowing all this time where I was
knowing all the while who I was with."
Completely aware, no reservations.

And what about the next day
just where did you find yourself:
in the toilet, in a closet
on the floor, on bed
or maybe, just maybe...

On the table
'round up the gang
exactly where you rememer
just when you passed out
...and then what?

Hangover.
Hallucination.
Headache.
Hunger.
What else?

Two hours was all it took
for the memories to come back
flashing, but clear
sudden, yet vivid
truthfully mind-boggling.

And after seven long days
a whole week has already passed
the memoirs still linger
still blinking every now and then
popping without warning.

You think you're already over it
you think you've moved on
you think you've just laughed it off
that you know exactly as is
that there's nothing more.

Until days after
the truth is realized
reality is uncovered
just when you thought you did remember
it wasn't really all accurate.

"Did I really say that?
Did I really do much more?
What else just happened?
What else could I have done?
How much worse can this get?"

Butterflies in stomach
oppposite forces pulling against one another
tearing up from the inside
ignorance or humiliation
innocence or awareness?

Ask him and you get no answer
another him and he points back to the first
one more him and you don't trust his testimony
that other him but forgot to answer anyway.
Who is the reliable source now?

The good friend suggests, "At least you know..."
the close one says, "You have an idea what to apologize for..."
the wise one comments, "So you're aware..."
all of a sudden on the contrary
the person on scene sighs, "Never mind."

One night
two people
three questions
four reminiscences
five days.

Then again
at the end of the day
no harm done
just pure pleasure
for both.

What a freakin' poem this turned out to be. smiley-laughing.gif


yahn @ 04:27 AM | Ice-peek!, Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]



June 14th, 2009

Pasukan... pa rin.

Hay pasukan na pala. Na-extend na nga ng isang linggo ang bakasyon, pero wala, I'm still not in the mood for classes. Marami-rami pa man din akong plano ngayong sem, maraming nais sana tuparin. Ito, mai-share nga, baka sakaling pag naisulat ko eh ganahan naman akong kumilos at tuparin mga pangarap ko. Sabi nga, "A goal not written is only a wish." [The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Sean Covey]

Una, gusto kong ipasa lahat ng asignatura ko. Aba, sino ba namang may ayaw di ba? Gusto ko lahat--lahat-lahat! Pero dahil sa pusta ko nun isang araw lamang, na siyang nagpapuyat sa akin hanggang alas kwatro ng madaling araw kaka-chat sa'kin, eh eto. Pangarap ko na ngayon makakuha ng mataas na marka sa EE 12 at EE 18 na syang mga pinakamadudugo kong subject ngayong sem. Ang pusta lang naman ay pumasa sa mga asignaturang ito. Pero dahil ako 'to, at kailangang kailangan ko talaga syang ipasa, hinahamon ko ngayon ang aking sarili para iangat sa dos ang grado ko sa mga ito. Aba eh sana nga kayanin ko. Palagay ko rin kasi, kung pagpupursigihan ko ang ganun man kataas eh mas malaki ang chance kong ipasa iyon at sumaya ako kahit hindi ko talaga sya na-uno o na-dos. Basta sa ngayon ang pinakaplano ko ay makapag-OJT next summer. At ito ang unang hakbang para matupad iyon: makapasa sa mga pre-req on time.

Pangalawa, nais ko nang pumayat. Seryoso. Ngayon-ngayon ko lamang napagtanto ang laki ng ipinayat ko nun tumapak ko sa kolehiyo, nung NF pa ako. Pero simula ng magbakasyon ako sa Batangas dahil sa pesteng Milenyo na yan, eto ako ngayon: nananaba ng nananaba kakakain, nahihiyang sa regular na lakaran sa LB. Gusto ko na talaga magseryoso sa diet at exercise na ito! Parang awa, sana matupad na!

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero gusto ko ng malaking pagbabago sa buhay ko. Ang pagpayat ko, manipestasyon na lamang iyan ng kung anuman gagawin ko para makita yun pagbabago sa buhay ko. Kumbaga, I want to see a drastic change in my life--I want to see it! Pero not exactly na nakikita ko ang sarili kong gumagawa ng pagbabago. Nakuha mo yun diperensya?

Sa kabilang banda, ilan pa rin sa mga naisip kong nais ko sanang matupad para sa aking sarili, sa lalong madaling panahon rin sana, ay ang tapusin basahin ang mga nakatiwangwang pang mga libro sa study table ko sa bahay. Mga akda ni Paulo Coelho, Nicholas Sparks at Amy Tan, nakaplastik pa nga ang mga ito--halatang hindi pa nagagalaw simula ng bilhin. Di bale, nitong taon ko lang rin naman sila nabili, wala pa namang isang taon sa'kin. Yun Huckleberry Finn nga mahigit kumulang anim na taon rin ata ang inabot bago ko unang matapos basahin eh. Lagi kasi akong nawawalan ng oras magbasa, tinatamad bigla, kaya hanggang mga unang kabanata lamang ako.

Isa pa ay ang pagkatuto kong magluto. Kanina lamang ay nagpatulong ako magluto ng champorado. Buti na lang madali pa sya. Inaalala ko nga rin nitong mga nakaraan yun mga naituro sa akin dati eh, gaya ng tinola at nilaga. Madali lang rin naman. Ang dapat lang naman tandaan ay mga sahog ng alin, at kung kailan na dapat isahog nang hindi naman masunog ang mga kasangkapan. Ang crucial sa mga ganitong ulam ay ang tansyahan at pampalasa, na syang hindi ko pa gamay. Konting praktis pa at masasanay rin ako.

Ang isa pa ay ang pagmamaneho ko. Dapat lamang matuto na ko aba! Next summer I better be able to drive myself to work. Iyan ang pangarap ko: makapagmaneho sa labas ng aming distrito. Hindi ko naman ninanais sa Maynila, pero kahit dito lang naman sa Sta. Rosa o kahit sa Calamba eh maigi na sa'kin. Magamit ko nga naman ang aking lisensya... na syang malapit na mag-expire.

Ang dalawa pa ay pagkatuto ko ng French language at pag-piano. Nais kong balikan angmga ito at magamay ulit. Hay, kelan nga kaya? Sa ngayon alam kong hindi pa kaya. Dahil ang focus ko ay nasa akademiko na.

Hay pasukan. Bakit kailangan pang mag-aral? Nawa'y maganda ang kalabasan ng taong ito para sa ating lahat.

Pagpalain tayong lahat!


watch Criminal Minds

yahn @ 10:44 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]



June 21st, 2009

Melancholic Drunkard Nights

Disclaimer: these are my drunken ideas. Thoughts by the alcohol, as I'd like to call them.

When you're badly in search of affection, you tend to seek it even from the most unlikely person.

For the first time in years, I get a glimpse of what I've been really wanting. I happen to evaluate just how much I desire what I'm longing for: how far I'd go and just how long this longing will last--as well as how strong this desire can take me.

So maybe I see myself in the near future as a loving mother and a faithful wife. Today. But how far can my sight of the 'near future' reach? By then, what 'near future' would I have envisioned for myself?

Anyway, after finishing half-way through Paulo Coelho's Veronika Decides To Die, I wonder: how do you compare the sane drunkard from the insane sober? Which would be better?

By the way, Happy father's day to all fathers out there. You know who you are.


mood complacent
read Paulo Coelho's Veronika Decides to Die
watch Going Bulilit

yahn @ 06:41 PM | Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]



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