June 12th, 2009

When Ignorance Is Not Bliss

What difference does it make
if you knew who he was
if you knew what it was
if it never existed at all
never really happend?

The mind is never silenced
from flashes of memory
from funny comments
from haunting questions
from lingering curiousity.

Questions per question
they never quiet down:
what just happened?
what did I just do?
what on earth was I thinking?

"What was really up with me!
knowing all along what was happening
knowing all this time where I was
knowing all the while who I was with."
Completely aware, no reservations.

And what about the next day
just where did you find yourself:
in the toilet, in a closet
on the floor, on bed
or maybe, just maybe...

On the table
'round up the gang
exactly where you rememer
just when you passed out
...and then what?

Hangover.
Hallucination.
Headache.
Hunger.
What else?

Two hours was all it took
for the memories to come back
flashing, but clear
sudden, yet vivid
truthfully mind-boggling.

And after seven long days
a whole week has already passed
the memoirs still linger
still blinking every now and then
popping without warning.

You think you're already over it
you think you've moved on
you think you've just laughed it off
that you know exactly as is
that there's nothing more.

Until days after
the truth is realized
reality is uncovered
just when you thought you did remember
it wasn't really all accurate.

"Did I really say that?
Did I really do much more?
What else just happened?
What else could I have done?
How much worse can this get?"

Butterflies in stomach
oppposite forces pulling against one another
tearing up from the inside
ignorance or humiliation
innocence or awareness?

Ask him and you get no answer
another him and he points back to the first
one more him and you don't trust his testimony
that other him but forgot to answer anyway.
Who is the reliable source now?

The good friend suggests, "At least you know..."
the close one says, "You have an idea what to apologize for..."
the wise one comments, "So you're aware..."
all of a sudden on the contrary
the person on scene sighs, "Never mind."

One night
two people
three questions
four reminiscences
five days.

Then again
at the end of the day
no harm done
just pure pleasure
for both.

What a freakin' poem this turned out to be.

yahn @ 04:27 AM | Ice-peek!, Book Of The Yahn [Add comment/s]